Jokes

(Dentist) This is going to pinch a little. (Patient) I love the way you guys substitute words like 'pinch' for 'pain'. (Dentist) You're right. Hang on to your chair, this is going to hurt like hell.

A boy and his mother stood in the dentist's office, looking at a display case. "If I had to have false teeth, mother, I'd take that pair there," said the small boy, pointing. "Hush, Willie," interrupted the mother quickly, "Haven't I told you it's bad manners to pick your teeth in public?"

A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging for a favor. Dentist: Could you help me out? Could you give me a few of your loudest, most painful screams? Patient: Why? Doctor, it wasn't at all bad this time. Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the four o'clock ball game.

When a new dentist set up in town he quickly acquired a reputation of being the 'Painless' dentist. However, a local little girl called Veronica disputed his claim. "He's a fake!" Veronica told her friends. "He's not painless at all.  When he stuck his finger in my mouth, I bit him, and he screamed like anyone else!"

A little boy called Ben was taken to the dentist.  Examination revealed that Ben had a cavity, which needed filling. "Now, young man," asked the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like for that tooth, amalgam or composite?" "I would prefer chocolate, please," replied Ben.

A boy met a girl.... Girl: Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place. Boy (smiling): Why thank you... are you single? Girl: No, I am a dentist.

One day an extremely nervous dental patient came for a root-canal surgery. He was brought into the examining room and made comfortable in the reclining dental chair. The dentist then injected a numbing agent around the patient's tooth, and left the room for a few minutes while the medication took hold. When the dentist returned, the patient was standing next to a tray of dental equipment, "What are you doing by the surgical instruments?" asked the surprised dentist. Focused on his task, the patient replied, "I'm taking out the ones I don't like."

What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant!

Patient- Dr. How much it will cost me to extract my two teeth? Dentist- $300 US dollars Patient- How much time it will take? Dentist- Five minutes Patient- Five minutes only & it's $300 US dollars! Don't you think that is too expensive? Dentist- I can do it in 30 minutes if you want?

After cleaning his patient’s teeth, the dentist accompanied the five year old boy to the reception area, only to see him struggle with the oak door. “It’s heavy, isn’t it?” asked the dentist. “Yes,” he said. “Is that so children can’t escape?”

What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth Hurty

Patient: It must be tough spending all day with your hands inside someone's mouth? Dentist: I prefer to think of it as having my hands inside their wallet.

Dentists. Doesn't your mouth just hurt when you hear that word? Not only painful - but expensive. "That'll be 5,000 dollars." "What? Why?" "The price of gold went up."

What did the teeth say to the dentist? So when are we going out?

Did you hear about the dentist & the manicurist who got married? They fought tooth & nail.

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again. The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist." The guy, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out?" "Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands." One thing led to another and they make love. After they are done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist." The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How did you figure that out?" "Didn't feel a thing!"

Yes 4 out of 5 dentists recommend sugar free gum to their patients who chew gum, but we all wonder what the 5th dentist thinks, right? He says ,"Eat all the sugar you want, it keeps me in business!"

Tooth Fairy Dear _________________________________ Thank you for leaving [01] tooth under your pillow last night. While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case of lost or stolen children's teeth, we were unable to process your request for the following reason(s) indicated below: ( ) the tooth could not be found ( ) it was not a human tooth ( ) we do not think that pieces of chicken bone are very funny ( ) we were unable to approach the tooth due to excessive odor ( ) the tooth has previously been redeemed for cash ( ) the tooth did not originally belong to you ( ) the tooth fairy does not process fingernails ( ) your request has been forwarded to the Nerve Ending Fairy for appropriate action ( ) you were overheard to state that you do not believe in the tooth fairy ( ) you are age 12 or older at the time your request was received ( ) the tooth is still in your mouth ( ) the tooth was guarded by a vicious fairy-eating dog at the time of our visit ( ) no nightlight was on at the time of our visit ( ) the snacks provided for the tooth fairy were not satisfactory, or were missing ( ) we discovered evidence of unsafe tooth extraction as follows: [ ] string [ ] pliers [ ] gunpowder [ ] hammer marks [ ] chisel [ ] part of skull attached to tooth [ ] no dental care ( ) other: Instead of the usual cash redemption, we have provided the following certificate, which you may attempt to exchange at a retail store near you. Thank you for your request, and we look forward to serving you in the future. Sincerely, The Tooth Fairy

"An aide to the prime minister of Canada called President Bush a moron. Well that's not fair. Here's a guy who never worked a day in his life, got rich off his Dad's money, lost the popular vote and ended up president. That's not a moron, that's genius!" Jay Leno

President Bush can't find WMD in Iraq, and can't do anything about gas prices, so he's come out for "Intelligent Design". I guess that shows that religion, not patriotism, is the last refuge of a politician.

I asked my doctor today how long he thought this COVID thing will last... He said, “How should I know, I’m a doctor not a politician.”

"Oh doctor, something is the matter with me, but I don't know what. I feel terrible, but I don't know how. And I have the most awful pain, but I don't know where." The doctor replied, "Well, I will prescribe something for you, but I don't know what. You will use it for three days, but I don't know how. It will cure you, but I don't know when."

Patient: Lately I’ve had the feeling that everyone wants to take advantage of me. Doctor: That’s nonsense. Patient: Really? Thank you very much, doctor. I feel so much better now. How much do I owe you? Doctor: How much have you got?

A man went to his doctor complaining about terrible neck pains, throbbing headaches and dizzy spells. The doctor examined him and said, “I’m afraid I have some bad news for you. You have only six months to live.” The doomed man decided he would spend his remaining time on earth enjoying himself. He told his boss what he thought of him and quit his job. Then he took all his money out of the bank and bought a sports coat, 10 new suits, and 15 pairs of new shoes. Then he went to get himself a dozen tailored shirts. He went to the finest shirt shop he could find. The tailor measured and wrote down 16 neck. “Wait a moment,” the man interrupted. “I always wear a size 14 neck, and that’s what I want.” “I’ll be glad to do it for you, sir,” the tailor replied. However, if you wear a size 14 neck your going to get terrible neck pains, throbbing headaches and dizzy spells.”

I called the pharmacist to get a prescription refill. After leaving a message on their answering machine they called me back. The nice young lady from the pharmacy explained they needed the prescription number off the pill container because they didn't understand the medication dosage I'd described. She looked it up and said she'd found the problem. It was 20MG Tabs and not 2 OMG tablets.

A man goes to the doctor complaining about stomach problems. The doctor asks him what he's been eating. "I only eat pool balls," he says. "Red ones for breakfast, yellow and orange ones for lunch, blue for afternoon snacks, and purple and black for dinner." "I see the problem," says the doctor. "You're not getting enough greens."

One man who loved the color yellow had yellow carpet, yellow furniture, yellow drapes, yellow walls and even yellow appliances in his yellow kitchen. He slept in a yellow bed with yellow covers and wore yellow pajamas. He got sick. You guessed it ... yellow jaundice. He called a doctor who came to his apartment building. The manager told him he'd have no trouble finding the right one. "You just go down the hall and come to a yellow door," he said. "That's the one." In a few moments the doctor was back. The apartment manager asked, "Were you able to help him?" The doctor replied, "Help him! I couldn't even FIND him!"

A man went to his doctor and said, "Help me, doctor. I think my eyesight is getting worse." The doctor asked the man to look out the window. "Tell me what you see," he said, pointing. "I see the sun," the man replied. The doctor turned to him and asked, "Just how much farther do you want to see?"

Three doctors are in the duck blind and a bird flies overhead. The general practitioner looks at it and says, "Looks like a duck, flies like a duck... it's probably a duck!" He shoots at it but misses and the bird flies away. The next bird flies overhead, and the pathologist looks at it, then looks through the pages of a bird manual, and says, "Hmmm... green wings, yellow bill, quacking sound...might be a duck." He raises his gun to shoot it, but the bird is long gone. A third bird flies over. The surgeon raises his gun and shoots almost without looking and brings the bird down. He turns to the pathologist and says, "Go see if that was a duck."

We brought our newborn son, Adam, to the pediatrician for his first checkup. As he finished, the doctor told us, "You have a cute baby." Smiling, I said, "I bet you say that to all new parents." "No," he replied, "just to those whose babies really are good looking." "So what do you say to the others?" I asked. "He looks just like you."