Jokes

Q: Why was the blonde's bellybutton sore? A: Her boyfriend was blonde too.

Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over a 100 miles per hour. "Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, "see any cops following us?" The blonde turned around for a long look. "As a matter of fact, I do." "Oh, NOOOO!" yelled the brunette. "Are his flashers on?" The blonde turned around again. "Yup...nope...yup...nope...yup..."

Most men regard blondes as a golden opportunity.

She is so blonde, she thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train."

What is a blonde's favorite fairy tale? Humpme Dumpme!

A police officer pulls over a car with a young blonde driver in it.... Cop : "Miss, this is a 65 MPH highway, why are you going so slowly?" Blonde : "Officer, I saw a lot of signs saying 22, not 65." Cop : "Oh miss, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on!" Blonde : "Oh! Stupid me! Thanks for letting me know, Ill be more careful from now on." At this point the cop looks into the back seat of the car, where the passengers are shaking and white as ghosts. Cop : "Excuse me miss, what's wrong with your friends back there? They're shaking something awful." Blonde : "Oh... We just got off of highway 119".

What do blonde women put behind their ears to attract men? Their ankles.

Why do the blondes spill water over the computer? They want to navigate over the internet.

Two people were stranded on an iceberg with only a telescope. One of them was looking through the telescope and said, ''We're saved! Look, it's the Titanic!''

A blonde goes to a soda machine. She puts in a dollar and gets a soda. She does this again and again. A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long. She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"

This executive was interviewing a nervous young blonde women for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, “If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?” The blonde quickly responded, “The living one.”

There are three blonds that went to the store. After they get done in the store one of the blondes realizes that she locked her keys in her car. The first blond tried using a screwdriver to unlock the door. The second blond tried using a hanger. The third blond tried using pen. While they are trying to unlock the door the second blond says "We better hurry up guys its about to rain and the tops down!"

How do you confuse a blonde?...... put her in a circular room and tell her to sit in a corner. this joke was posted by a blonde

Q: What is a blonde's favorite rock group? A: Air Supply.

How do you describe a blonde surrounded by drooling idiots? Flattered.

In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth if you lie, you disappear. One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror. The brunette goes first. "I think I'm the smartest woman on earth." "POOF!" She disappears. The redhead goes up to try. "I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth." "POOF!" She disappears. The blonde goes up. "I think..." "POOF!"

Q: What's the difference between a rooster and a blonde? A: A rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo," and a blonde says, "Any c**k'll do."

I was lying in bed with my blonde girlfriend last night when she said, “I think my boobs are too small, I’m going to get a boob job.” “Hmm,” I replied, “my hands are too small… what do you think I should do?” “Do you want a hand job?” She’s a keeper.

A science teacher tells his class, "Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773." A blonde student responds, "Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it."

Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear? A: "Thanks for the refill!"

So a blonde walks into a library, and says to the librarian loudly "May I have a cheeseburger and fries?" The librarian says "This is a library!" Blonde whispers "Oh, may I have a cheeseburger and fries."

Why was the blonde staring at the Orange Juice? Because it said concentrate!

A group of blondes were willing to prove that not all blondes were dumb. They established a judges panel of people to ask the questions. On the day of the judging the people started off by asking, "What is 59 + 2?" The first blonde contestant responded by saying, "57?" The rest of the blondes said, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!" Then they asked, "What is 15 - 5?" The blonde responded, "20, right?" Once again the rest of the contestants screamed, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!" The judges decided to go easier on her and asked, "What is 1 + 2?" "Is it 3?" said the blonde. The rest of the blondes said, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"

Chuck Norris is so tough, he roundhouse kicked this into another section.

A blonde in a bar is hunched over her martini spearing at the olive with a cocktail stick. A dozen times the olive eludes her until a man sitting next to her grabs the stick and skewers it for her. ‘That’s the way to do it,’ he says. ‘Big deal,’ replies the blonde. ‘You’d never have got it unless I’d tired it out first.’

What do a blonde and a door knob have in common? Everybody gets a turn.

My mate handed me a beer and said, ” Got to hand it to you. Great party you’ve sorted out. Quality coke you got, good spread, pumping tunes and I have to say the strippers was an inspired decision. Did you see what that blonde did with the cucumber? Amazing! But l was wondering. Who are the miserable bastards in the corner?” I looked over and said, ” That’ll be the wifes parents. I think they’ve got the hump because I had her cremated.

A blonde gets her haircut while wearing a pair of headphones. The hairdresser asks her to take them off, but she protests that she'll die without them. The hairdresser sighs, and starts cutting the hair around the headphones. Soon, the blonde falls asleep, and the hairdresser removes the headphones. A few minutes later, the blonde collapses, dead on the floor. Alarmed, the hairdresser puts the headphones to his ear and hears, "Breathe in. Breathe out."

Three women were at the doctor's office for the second trimester check up. The first woman, a brunette, said that she was sure that she would have a girl because when she made love to her husband, she was on top! The second affirmed with certainty that she would have a boy, because she was on bottom. The blonde grabbed her head between her hands. "Oh, crap! Puppies."

Q. A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. A. "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."