Jokes

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette?  A: Artificial intelligence.

Three women are about to be executed. Ones a brunet, ones a redhead, and ones a blond. The guard brings the brunet forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts ''ready aim'' suddenly the brunet shout's ''Earthquake''. Everyone gets on the ground and the brunet escapes. Then the guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner ask if she has any last request. She says no and the executioner shouts '' ready aim'' suddenly the redhead yells '' tornado'' everyone is startled and looks around for a cover while she escapes. By now the blond has it fingered out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner ask if she has any last request. She says no and the executioner shouts ''ready aim'' and the blond yells ''FIRE.''

A blonde goes to the doctor with burns on both of her ears and her right hand. "Sit down and tell me how it happened," says the doctor. "I was ironing my clothes when I received a call. Instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and burned my ear." "'What about the other ear and your hand?" the doctor asked. She replied, "I tried to call for an ambulance."

Q: Why did the blonde take a right into the ditch? A: Her blinker was on.

What do you call a brunette between two blondes? Translator.

I was clubbing the other night and I was totally pissed. I walked up to this beautiful blonde and said, “Duck my sick!” She said, “You’re drunk - don’t you mean suck my dick?” I puked on her and said… “No!”

blonde asked someone what time it was, and the person told her it was 3:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied, "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

I'm blonde, what's your excuse?

Q: How do you make a blonde's brain the size of a pea? A: Inflate it.

A blonde walked into her final exam very nervous. But when she received the test, she was relieved to find out that it was a True or False exam. Immediately, she reached into her purse and pulled out a coin. Each time she flipped the coin she would write down an answer. "What are you doing?" the professor asked her. "I'm figuring out the answers," the blonde replied. To this, the professor just rolled his eyes and looked away. When she was done, the professor announced that there were five minutes left to go. "Oh my god!" she said in an excited voice, and started to flip the coin as fast as possible.

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC. This was her first time to the city, so she wanted to see the Capitol Building. Unfortunately, she couldn’t find it, so she asked a police officer for directions. “Excuse me, officer,” the blonde said, “how do I get to the Capitol Building?” The officer said, “Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It’ll take you right there.” The blonde thanked the officer and he drove off. Three hours later the police officer came back to the same area, and sure enough, the blonde was still waiting at the same bus stop. The officer got out of his car and said, “Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol Building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?” The blonde said, “Don’t worry, officer, it won’t be long now. The 45th bus just went by!”

Two blondes are walking through a museum and got separated. When they ran into each other later the first blonde said to the second, "Oh my! Did you see that statue of the naked man back there?" The second replied, "Yes! I was absolutely shocked! How can they display such a thing! My gosh the penis on it was so large!" Where upon the first accidentally blurted out, "...Yeah, and cold, too!"......ab!!!!!

How come it takes so long to build a blonde snowman? Because you have to hollow out the head.

Blonds are so stupid when you punch them on the arm they say "Ow my knee!!!"

A blonde goes to the doctor's and find out she is pregnant with twins. She starts crying and the doctor asks her what's wrong. She replies, "I know who the dad is for one of them but I don't know who the dad is for the other one!"

What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave.

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions... Officer: What's 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm... 4! Officer: What's the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummmm... 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow. The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"

Did you hear about the blonde who brought toilet paper to a craps game?

A blind man walks into a bar. The blind man sits down, thinking he'd break the ice with the bartender by asking "Wanna hear a blond joke?" In a hushed voice, a man beside him says "Before you tell that joke, you should know our bartender IS blonde, or bouncer is blond, I'm a 6'4" black belt, the man sitting on the other side of me is 6'2, 250lbs, and a rugby player. The guy sitting next to you is pushing 300, 6'6, and he's a wrestler. We're ALL blond. So you think about it mister, do you really wanna tell that joke?" The blind man sat for a second, thinking over the odds and then replied "No, not if I have to explain it five times."

Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard? A: Grade four.

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, “We were the first in space!” The American said, “We were the first on the moon!” The Blonde said, “So what? We are going to be the first on the sun!” The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. “You cannot land on the sun, you fool!You will burn up!” said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, “We are not stupid, you know. We are going at night!” ====

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach South Jamaica." The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach South Jamaica." The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blonde is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot. The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to South Jamaica."

A blonde canvassed a wealthy neighborhood looking for odd jobs. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had anything for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" She replied, "How about $50?" The man agreed and told her the paint was in the garage. A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porsche; it's a Ferrari."

Blonde: "Doc, you've gotta help me. I keep hearing voices." Doc: "When are you hearing these voices?" Blonde: "When I'm on the telephone."

How do blonde braincells die? Alone.

Q: Why did the blonde girl stare at the orange juice box? A: The orange juice box says, "concentrate."

Why does a blonde have an IQ 1 point higher than a policehorse? So she won't shit on the street during a parade.

Why did the blonde stand in front of the mirror with her eyes closed? She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.

A plane is about to crash and on it there is a Blonde, Micheal Jackson, a school-boy and the pilot. There are only 3 parachutes. MJ takes one a screams i'm too famous to die, and jumps. then goes the blonde who says she's too pretty to die, and then the pilot says, "its ok, you can live you life" to the school-boy, but then the kid says "it's ok, the blonde took my school-bag"

A blonde's redhead decides to show her a neat way to trick people. You put your hand on a wall and ask someone to punch it. But before they do, you pull your hand away! "That is a neat trick," thinks the blonde, and tries desperately to remember it, but isn't all too successful. Despite this, she decides to try it out on her blonde friend. "Okay," she says, "I'm going to put my hand in front of my face..."