Jokes

A nun, a priest, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a rabbi and a blonde walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and asks, "Is this some kind of joke?"

Q: What do you call a blonde with a bowlcut? A: Louis

Why can't a blonde dial 911 ..... She can't find the 11

One night, a man walked into a bar with an alligator. He stood up on the counter and announced, “If I stick my cock and balls into this gators mouth, let the gator shut his jaws and pull them out without a scratch on ’em you’ll all buy me a drink.” The crowd looked up at the man and nodded with glee. So the man whipped out his cock and balls and stuck them in the gators mouth then shut the gators jaws. A few moments later he hit it on the head with a beer bottle and the gators mouth flung open, and he pulled his genitalia out without a scratch. As he was collecting his first free drink he looked to the crowd and asked if anybody would like to try. A hush blew over the crowd. All of a sudden a hand shot up in the back. “I would,” said a blonde woman, “but only if you promise not to hit me in the head with a beer bottle.”

Q: Why did the blonde become a big basketball fan? A: Because every time they stopped the clock, she thought that she had stopped aging.

One day a redhead mom walks into her daughter's room and finds a cigerret and says, "omg I didn't know my daughter smoked!" Then a burnette mom walks into her daughter's room and finds a beer bottle and says' "I didn't know my daughter drank!" Then a blonde mom walks into her daughter's room and finds a condom and yells, "I didn't know my daughter had a dick"!

Brunette: Do you like your new iPad? Blonde: No, I can't use it. Brunette: Why not? Blonde: I couldn't find the buttons.

“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.

A blonde, brunette and redhead are in a desert. The brunette says, "I brought some water so we don't get dehydrated." The redhead says, "I brought some suntan lotion so we don't get sunburned." Then the blonde says I brought a car door." The other girls said, "Why did you bring that?" Then the blonde says, "So I can roll down the window if it gets hot."

What's the difference between a blonde and Windows 95? The blonde operates on more laptops!

how do you keep a blonde busy for 7 hours. put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.

Once there was a blonde who wanted to prove to people that she wasn't just a dumb blonde. So she asked her friend "how could I show people I'm not just a dumb blonde?" Her friend says, "First learn all the provinces and their capitals." So that week the blonde learned them. The next week she was at a party and a man asked a question. The blonde says, "I know the anwser!" Then the man said " What would you know? You're just a dumb blonde?" Then the blonde says, "I'll have you know I'm not just a dumb blonde, I know all the provinces and their capitals." Then the man said, " Okay, Saskatchewan." The blonde started to grin. "What are you grinning about?" said the man. The blonde said, "Easy. S."

Why do blondes have TGIF written on their shirt? It stands for, "Tits Go In Front."

I was driving along when my blonde wife said, “What are those rumble strips on the road for?” I said, “They’re to let blind driver’s know they’re coming up to a roundabout.” She said, “That’s a good idea.” Jesus…

Q: Why do men like blonde jokes? A: Because they can understand them.

Q: Why is a blonde's top speed 68 mph? A: Because at 69 she blows a rod.

Q. What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes? A. Frosted Flakes.

A blonde decides to try horseback rising. On her first outing, the bouncing horse causes her to lose control, and she is thrown from the horse. Just as she loses consciousness, the carousel stops.

How many blondes does it take to milk a cow? Five - one to hold the udder, and four to lift and the cow up and down.

Did you hear the one about the blonde fox that got stuck in a trap? She chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Ice Cube Mix Tricycle Kickstand Solar Flashlight Dehydrated Water Fire Proof Matches Reversible Sandwich Bread Black Light Bulb Garage Door Closer Cordless Cell Phone Disposable Garbage Bags

Blonde Invention: Book on how to read

Why do blondes prefer BMW over Chevrolet? …. … They can spell BMW.

A blonde was at a gumball machine. She kept putting quarters in and getting gumballs out. The man behind her asked if he could get a gumball. She said, "Shut up! I'm winning."

A guy walks up to a nice looking blonde girl and says "hey you wanna screw me?" She replies: "No i'm not a mechanic and I don't have a drill."

Q: What do you call nine blondes in the ocean? A: An air pocket.

Q: Why can't blondes parallel park? A: Because guys keep telling them that 1 inch is really 6 inches.

Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment?  A: An IN-body experience!

A young man finally got a date with the blonde female that lived in his apartment complex. To prepare for his big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude. Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof and managed to get sunburn on his “tool of the trade”. But, he was determined not to miss his date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze. The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie. During the movie, however, the young man’s sunburn started acting up again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen and poured a tall, cool glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain. The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his member immersed in a glass of milk. Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed, “So that’s how you guys load those things!”

Why did the blonde tip toe near the medicine cabinet? Because she didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills.