Jokes

Q: Why did the blonde put water on her computer? A: To wash the Windows.

What do a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common? They both have a black box!

If you don't know who your father is, odds are it's Chuck Norris.

A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis." The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."

Q: What is the difference between a brunette and garbage? A: At least the garbage gets taken out once a week.

Q. Why do blond women never have more than 10 ex-boyfriends? A. Because they run out of fingers.

Q: Why did the blonde tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? A: She didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills.

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1001.....1 to hold the light bulb and 1000 to turn the house.

Q: How do you know a blonde is having a bad day? A: Her tampon is behind her ear, and she can't find her pencil.

What do you call a blonde making out with a redneck while drinking beer? A bur

Why can’t blondes put in light bulbs? They keep breaking them with the hammers.

One night, two blondes were at the Sydney airport. The first blonde asks the other, "Which is closer: the moon or Melbourne?" The second blonde replies, "Duh, the moon. Can you see Melbourne from here?"

Why should you never let a blonde take a tea or coffee break? "It's too hard to re-train them."

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blond joke?" The man said to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blond. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler, and he's blond. The bouncer is blond. The man sitting over to your left is also blond. Still wanna tell that blond joke?" The blind man was silent for a moment and then said, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."

How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day? when she has a tampon tucked behind her ear and she cant find her pencil

Q: How are blondes like postage stamps? A: You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.

A blond asked his friend, "Why does my sister have two brothers and I only have one???"

Slut - "I hate you bitch" Blonde - "Your such a slut, I bet your naked under those clothes."

A brunette is walking through the country, when she finds a bottle. She rubs it and, you guessed it, a genie appears. The genie says, "You are allowed three wishes. But, I must warn you, anything you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much." The woman says, "Okay. Give me a nice house." The genie replies, "You now have one nice house and all the blondes in the world have two." The the lady says, "Give me a gorgeous man." The genie replies, "You now have one gorgeous man, while all the blondes have two." The lady says, "For my last wish, Genie, see that stick over there? Beat me half to death with it."

a blonde walks into a shop and asks how much is that t.v in the back. shopkeeper replies sorry i dont serve blondes. the blonde went away and died her hair brown and went back the very next day and asked again. the shop keeper says sorry i dont serve blondes. the blonde went away and died her hair blue and went back the next day and asked one last time. the shop keeper replies sorry i dont serve blondes. the blonde asks how can you tell that im blonde? the shop keeper replies thats not a T.V thats a microwave.

A police officer sees a blonde woman crying under a street lamp on the sidewalk. He asks her what's wrong and if there's anything he can do to help. The blonde replies, "I lost my wedding ring." The officer asks, "Okay, where did you drop it?" The blonde says, "About a block away, but the light is better here."

Why did the mirror have 6 holes in it? A blonde tried to shoot herself!

A blonde was trapped on an island and had to swim 1000 miles to get back to the mainland. She swam 500 miles and got tired, so swam back to the island.

If blondes and bimbos were the same thing, the prefix 'bim' could be used to create new words that describe them: Bimbabble - noises coming from a group of blondes Bimbaffled - constant mental state of blondes Bimbait - short skirts, sheer blouses, string bikinis or other clothing worn by blondes in an attempt to attract the attention of males Bimbar - a bar where blondes hang out wearing bimbait Bimbag - a blonde's purse Bimbrushes - essential equipment in a bimbag Bimbastic surgeon - specialist in breast enhancements for blondes Bimbeeper - special instrument used as a homing device for lost blondes Bimbellow - sound emanating from a blonde after she finally got the most recent blonde joke she heard Bimbillion? - a blonde giving an estimate of anything Bimblaze - the result of a blonde trying to cook Bimblues - a blonde's state of mind after her latest boyfriend ditched her Bimboette - a young blonde Bimbonese - language spoken by blondes, largely unintelligible to anyone else Bimbonique behavior - airhead behavior, unique to blondes Bimboozle - to fool a blonde Bimbore - a blonde who uses "like" more than 10 times in a sentence Bimbozo - another name for a blonde Bimboron - a blonde even less intelligent than most other blondes Bimbrownie - a well-tanned blonde Bimbrunette - a blonde who dyes her hair brunette, usually to appear smarter than she actually is Bimburden - blonde carrying too many bags at the mall

"Some plants," said the teacher, "have the prefix 'dog'. For instance, there is the dogrose, the dogwood, the dogviolet. Now name another plant prefixed by 'dog'." "I can," shouted a blonde. "Collieflower!"

A blonde notices that her coworker has a thermos, so she asks him what it's for. He responds, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The blonde immediately buys one for herself. The next day, she goes to work and proudly displays it. Her coworker asks, "What do you have in it?" She replies, "Soup and ice cream."

What's the difference between a bowling ball and a blonde? You can only fit three fingers inside a bowling ball!

How does a blonde high-five? She smacks herself in the forehead.

What's dumber than two brunettes trying to build a house under water? Two blondes trying to burn it down.

A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop. The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun. So he told her that all she had to was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out. After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing. "I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working." "Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!"