Jokes

Q: Why does a blonde nurse carry around a red pen? A: To draw blood.

Q: How did the blonde die while raking leaves? A: She fell out of the tree.

Two blondes wait at a bus stop. A bus pulls up and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside and asks the driver, "Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?" The bus driver says, "No, I'm sorry." The other blonde leans inside and asks, "How about me?"

Q: Why did the blonde go to the dentist? A: Someone dented her car.

A blonde decides to try horseback rising. On her first outing, the bouncing horse causes her to lose control. As she's thrown from the horse, her foot catches in the stirrup, so she lands head first. Just as she loses consciousness, the carnie stops the carousel.

A blonde buys a puzzle and takes it home. After an hour she has none of it together, so she gets frustrated and calls her boyfriend Anant She says " I just bought this puzzle, but i can't find any of the edges and none of the pieces fit together". He asks her what is the picture supposed to be. She says " a rooster". He says " I'll be over in a minute to help you". When Anant gets there he says "damn honey! put all those cornflakes back in the box!

Blonde girl runs into the pub hysterically shouting "help theres a black man chasing me" A bunch of lads get together looking when the girl again shouts "quick hes there creeping on the floor" After looking dismayed one calmly informs her "thats your shadow love"

I knew a blonde that was so stupid she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "Concentrate."

Q: How do you electrocute a blonde? A: Tell her to demonstrate the proper usage of an electric chair.

a redhead, brunette, and a blonde escape from prison they run to a farm where they hide in a barn in sacks so the cops look for them they go to the barn and the cop kicks the sack with the redhead in and the redhead makes a cat noise so the cop says oh just a cat and then he kicks the second one and the brunette makes a dog noise. the cop says just a dog and then he kicks the one with the blonde in and she says potatoes

A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many glances from her, he said, “It’s golf balls.” The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said. Finally, unable to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, “Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow..?

There was a blonde who tried to hang herself and a diffrent blonde came in and saw her hanging from her stomach and said," your supposed to hang yourself from your neck. And she said," i tried that but i couldnt breath.

Q: How do you get a blonde out of a tree? A: You wave at her.

A blonde was on her way to Disneyland, but she went home when she saw a sign saying ‘Disneyland Left’.

Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon? A: Far-from-thinkin.

Blonde cop pulls over blonde motorist. Cop asks the motorist to see her license so the blonde searches in her purse & tells the blonde cop that she must have forgot it at home. The blonde cop asks the blonde motorist does she have any other type of identification so she searches in her purse again, looks at a pocket mirror & says, "I have a picture of myself." The cop asks to see it so the blonde motorist hands over the pocket mirror. The blonde cop looks at it & says, "Well if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over."

A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a buyer because the car had 340,000 miles on it. She discussed her problem with a brunette that she worked with at a bar. The brunette suggested, "There may be a chance to sell that car easier, but it's not going to be legal." "That doesn't matter at all," replied the blonde. "All that matters it that I am able to sell this car." "Alright," replied the brunette. In a quiet voice, she told the blonde: "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop around here. Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000 miles. Then it shouldn't be a problem to sell your car." The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the mechanic on the brunette's advice. About one month after that, the brunette saw the blonde and asked, "Did you sell your car?" "No!" replied the blonde. "Why should I? It only has 40,000 miles on it."

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board? A: An ironing board's legs are hard to open

Blonde says to Anant " My boyfriend has dumped me. Why the hell guys want to marry virgins?" Anant "to avoid comparison"

L ittle Willie had a gambling problem. He’d bet on anything. One day, Willie’s father consulted his teacher. The teacher said. “Mr.Gaines, I think I know how to teach Willie a real lesson. We’ll trap him into a big wager that he’ll lose.” Willie’s father agreed to cooperate with the plan. The next day at school, the teacher watched Willie making wagers with the other children, and she said, “Willie, I want you to remain after class.” When the others had left the classroom, Willie walked up to the teacher. Before she could say a word, he said, ” Don’t say it, Miss Brown; I know what you’re going to say, but you’re a liar!” “Willie!” the startled teacher said.” What are you talking about.” “Your a fake!” Willie continued.”How can I believe anything you tell me? You’ve got this blond hair on top, but I’ve seen your bush and it’s pitch black!” Trying to keep her cool, the teacher said, “Willie that isn’t true.” “I’ll bet a dollar it is !” Willie challenged. The teacher saw her chance to teach Willie his lesson.”Make it five dollars and you have a bet,” she said. “You’re on!” Willie whipped out a five dollar bill. Before anyone could come into the room, Miss Brown. dropped her panties, spread her legs, and showed Willie that her pubic hair was as blond as the hair on top of her head. Willie hung his head. “You win,” he said, handing her the fiver. Miss. Brown couldn’t wait for him to leave so she could get to a phone to call his father. She reported what had happened. “Mr. Gaines,” she said, “I think we’ve finally taught him his lesson.” “The hell we have,” the father muttered. “This morning Willie bet me ten dollars that he’d see your pussy before the day was over.

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you? Run, 'cause she's got a grenade in her mouth!

A blonde woman won horse riding lessons. Knowing nothing about riding but wanting to be properly dressed, she went out and bought riding boots. On the day of the first lesson, she showed up wearing only the riding boots. When asked why she was naked except for the boots, she said that she was told it was bareback riding and she didn't have any clothes that just covered the front.

Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice? Because it said concentrate.

Q. What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW? A. Divorcee'

Why did they have to stop doing the wave at the Skydome in Toronto? Beacause a blonde drowned in it.

Q: What is hard and long to a blonde? …. …. A: Fourth grade.

Question: If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first? Answer: The brunette - the blonde would have to stop for directions!

Q: What do you call a blonde with a chainsaw? A: Dead.

A blonde was passing a fruit stand when she suddenly realized how hungry she was. “Give me a pear, please.” said the bouncy blonde. “That will be fifty cents.” said the clerk. She ate the pear, but was still hungry, so she ordered another. Still hungry after the second pear, she ordered an apple. After eating the apple she was finally full and wanted a drink, but found that she didn’t have enough money left. “Darn it!” she said to herself, “If I had ordered the apple first I would still have enough money left for that drink!”

She is so blonde, she studied for a blood test.