Jokes

What is the moons favorite gum? ORBIT.

What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe? MI-TO-SIS!

They have finally found the gene for shyness... It was hiding behind two other genes.

Organic chemistry is a very difficult subject... Those who study it have ALKYNES of trouble.

What kind of dogs does a Chemist have? A Lab...

Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

The recent volcano eruptions in Kilauea and Volcan de Fuego prompted representatives all over the globe to have an Earthquake Summit. When San Adreas arrived everyone point fingers and said, "It's your fault!"

"I'll have an H2O," says the first. "I'll have an H2O too," says the second. The second man dies.

Guy #1: "Do you know the chemical formula for Sodium Bromide? Guy #2: "NaBro."

A science teacher tells his class, "Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773." A not so bright student responds, "Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it."

A scientist wanted to understand the science of marriage. So he got married. Now he forgot what science is all about.

I'm beginning to think that package instructions are only meant to be read by scientist. The print is so small you need an electron microscope to read it and who has one of those... Scientist of course!

The brain is a wonderful organ... It starts working the day you are born, and stops the day you fall in love...

What compound is made by 2 urea proteins found in urine? Di-urea.

Why was Mickey Mouse in space? Why else, he was looking for Pluto.

Just because a frog is green, does that mean its Irish? No. That is correct. Because when you look at it when its a baby, it looks a tad-polish!

Signs that scientists have gone too far with genetically modified food: *Your hot dog just fetched its own ketchup and relish. *You spot the tell-tale signs of a primitive central nervous system in you Jell-O. *Chocchini: looks like zucchini, tastes like a chocolate Ding Dong. *The black-eyed peas on your fork just winked at you. *Every time you pour a glass of orange juice, your garage door goes up.

- No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight. - If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate in the terminal. - If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed. - Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world. - If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence just as soon as you touch pen to paper. - Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the washroom. - The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you. - The best looking woman on your flight is never seated next to you. - The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard

Why did the germ cross the microscope? To get to the other slide.

"I read somewhere that they're going to launch some weasels up in a rocket." "So where are they headed?" "Otter space, of course!"

One day the esophagus asked the saliva what its name was. "I'm too embarrassed to say," said the saliva. "Come on," said the esophagus. "Fine. My name's Amy, Amylase."

If you could drive the speed of light, would your head lights still work?l?!

Two planets are talking... Saturn: I bet I get married before you do. Venus: Why? Saturn: Because I already have a ring.

Have you heard about the pharmaceutical company that developed a new drug which, when administered to women, compels them to go join a convent? The FDA refused to license it, though. Seems it was habit-forming.

Dr. Boudreaux was performing a science experiment on a common insect, the flea. He proceeded to carefully remove one leg from the flea on which he was working. Then he shouted, "Jump!", and the flea jumped. He recorded his findings as such, "flea can jump with one leg removed." Then he carefully removed a second leg and said, "Jump!" Again the flea jumped with no problem and he recorded the findings. He continued the experiment one leg at a time until all the legs had been removed. The flea, now legless, sat motionless when ordered to jump. "Hmmm, very interesting," Dr. Boudreaux commented. Then he recorded his findings..."When all the legs have been removed from a flea, he can't hear anything."

A chemist, a biologist and an electrical engineer were on death row waiting to go in the electric chair. The chemist was brought forward first. "Do you have anything you want to say?" asked the executioner, strapping him in. No," replied the chemist. The executioner flicked the switch and nothing happened. Under State law, if an execution attempt fails, the prisoner is to be released, so the chemist was released. Then the biologist was brought forward. "Do you have anything you want to say?" "No, just get on with it." The executioner flicked the switch, and again nothing happened, so the biologist was released. Then the electrical engineer was brought forward. Do you have anything you want to say?" asked the executioner. "Yes," replied the engineer. "If you swap the red and the blue wires over, you might make this thing work."

Do you want to hear an uplifting Helium joke?

According to Albert Einstein there is nothing faster than the speed of light. But he is wrong... you can make something much more faster than light: 1. First take torch or a flash light. 2. Now take a video camera and record it. 3. Now put the video you have recorded in to your video player. 4. FAST FORWARD THE VIDEO. CONGRATULATIONS YOU GOT SOMETHING FASTER THAN THE SPEED OF LIGHT!

Whenever I go to a restaurant, I always order is "dihydrogen monoxide on the rocks with a clear siphoning tube inside a glass". The waiters/waitresses always ask me what drink is that? I tell them that's the scientific name of a glass of ice water with a straw.

A Mitochondrion walks into a bar and asks for some energy. The barman says: "That'll be 80p!"