Jokes

There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.

Why are so many blondes rushing out to get breast implants? So they don't have to pay the flat tax.

What do blondes and the Bermuda triangle have in common? They've both swallowed a lot of semen.

Q: What is every blonde's ambition? A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

One day, a blonde went to the doctor with both sides of her face burned. The doctor asked, "What happened?" The blonde said, "Well, I was ironing my husband's shirt until the phone rang. I picked it up and half my face was burnt!" The doctor replied, "What about the other half?" The blonde answered, "They called back."

There's a blonde walking down a trail. She comes to a river and stops. She looks right then left. She sees another blonde on the other side. She asks her "how do you get to the other side?" The blonde on the other side look right then left and says "you are on the other side"!

Q: What happened when the blonde tried to give her boyfriend a blow job while he was driving? A: They both fell off the motorcycle.

There was a blonde, brunet and a redhead they were on there way to heaven. God said, "I will give you 100 jokes; if you laugh you go to hell." The brunet laughed at the 10th joke and she went to hell. The redhead laughed at the 43rd joke and she went to hell. The blonde was at the 99th joke then she laughed. "WHAT THE HELL YOU WERE ALMOST TO HEAVEN ! WHY DID YOU LAUGH?", said god. Blonde said, "I just got the first joke."

Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ? A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

Q: What does a blond man do at 03.00 in the night naked at the balcony? A: The blond girl told him to come outside

Female newscaster, “So, Mr. Jones, what are you going to do with these children on this adventure holiday?” Mr. Jones, “We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, shooting…” Female newscaster, “Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?” Mr. Jones, “I don’t see why; they’ll be properly supervised on the range.” Female newscaster, “Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?” Mr. Jones, “I don’t see how, we will be teaching them proper range disipline before they even touch a firearm.” Female newscaster, “But you’re equipping them to become violent killers.” Mr. Jones, “Well, you’re equipped to be a prostitute, but you’re not one, are you?”

There was this blonde woman who had a fire in her house, so she called the fire department. Blonde: There's a fire in my house! Fireman: Alright ma'am how do we get to your house? Blonde: With the big red fire truck, of course!

A blonde's car breaks down. A cop pulls up and inquires about the group of naked men standing next to her car. The blonde says, "They're my emergency flashers."

What are the blonde's first words after 4 years of college? "Would you like fries with that?"

Did you hear they banned fans from doing "The Wave" at all sports events? Too many blondes were drowning.

What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?' They both swallow semen

Q: Why was the blonde's bellybutton bruised? A: Her husband was a blonde, too.

A blonde once shot an arrow into the air... but missed!

Q: What are a blonde's first words after graduating college? A: "Would you like fries with that?"

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?" "Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...." "Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

A mom has three daughters. Brunette: Mom why did you name me Rose? Mom: Because when you were born a rose landed on your head. Ginger: Mom why is my name Petal? Mom: Because when you were born a petal landed on your head. Blonde: My favorite color is potato! Mom: Shut up Brick...

Two priests were going to Hawaii on holiday and decided that they would make this a real holiday by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a shop and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, and etc. The next morning they went to the beach, dressed in their “tourist” garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a “drop dead gorgeous” blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn’t help but stare and when she passed them, she smiled and said, “Good morning, Father” - “Good morning, Father,” nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she recognize them as priests? The next day they went back to the shop bought even more outrageous outfits-these were so loud, you could hear them before you even saw them-and again settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine, etc. After a while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a string bikini this time, came walking toward them again. (They were glad they had sunglasses, because their eyes were about to pop out of their heads.) Again, she approached them and greeted them individually: “Good morning, Father,” “Good morning Father,” and started to walk away. One of the priests couldn’t stand it and said. “Just a minute, young lady. Yes, we are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did YOU know?” “Oh, Father, don’t you recognize me? I’m Sister Angela!

A blond woman walks into a store.Curious about a shiny object, she asks, “What is that?” The store clerk responds, “It’s a thermos.”The blond then asks, “What does it do?” The clerk says “It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”So, she buys one.The next day, she brings it to work with her. Her boss, also a blond, asks, “What is that shiny object?” She replies “It’s a thermos.” He asks, “What does it do?” She says, “It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.” He then asks, “What do you have in there?” “Two cups of coffee and a popsicle.”

How do you keep a blonde at home? Build a circular driveway.

A blonde, brunette and a redhead have a breaststroke race across the English Channel. The brunette comes in first, the redhead comes in second, and the blonde never finishes. In the lifeboat, the blonde says, "I don't want to be a tattletale, but the other two used their arms."

Two blondes suddenly got into bird hunting and were eager to try it out for themselves. They had read that a birddog is a great and useful accessory in bird hunting, so they decided to go to the pet shop and buy one. They asked for a well-trained birddog, and got one. The two blondes immediately went to the woods to try it out. The dog didn't work. No matter how hard they tried, it just didn't follow their commands. They became really frustrated and one of the blondes said to her companion, “Okay, we'll give him one more try. We'll throw him in the air one more time and if he doesn't fly, we're taking him back to the store!”

A blonde approaches a stranger and asks what time it is. The stranger says, "11:45." The blonde says, "Really? That's so weird. Every time I ask that question, I get a different answer."

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, “Hey, you wanna hear a blond joke?” The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,  “Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, considering that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blond girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer is a blond girl. 3.I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blond woman with a black belt in karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me is blond and a professional weightlifter. 5. The lady to your right is blond and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?” The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, “No…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

What do you call a doll on fire? A Barbie-Q!

Brunette: I'll be the first brunette to walk on Mars! Ginger: I'll be the first ginger to walk on Venus! Blonde: I'll be the first blonde to walk on the sun! Ginger: You'll burn up if you try. Blonde: Don't worry, I'll go at night