Jokes

Three blondes witness a crime so they go to the police station to identify the suspect. The police chief shows them the first mug shot. "That's not him," the first blonde states. "This man only has one eye." The chief is stunned. "He only has one eye because it's a profile shot." He repeats the procedure for the second blonde. "That's not him.This man only has one ear," she answers. He smacks his head. "It's a profile shot." He repeats the procedure for the third blonde. After viewing the photo, she says, "That's not him. This man is wearing contact lenses." "How do you know that?" "Well," she says, "he can't wear glasses with only one eye and one ear, now can he?"

Blonde Customer at McDonald's: how many chicken nuggets come in a 6 piece? Blonde Cashier : I don't know let me check.

There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals." One of the guys, of course, said, "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?" "N," she answered.

There was once a blue-haired, a red-haired, and a blonde girl who were getting chased by cops. The girls then hid in three trash cans. The blue-haired girl hid and a cop was about to lift her lid, until the blue-haired yelled out "Woof!". The cop then says " Oh...just a dog" . Then he goes to lift another one, but the red-haired girl yelled "Meow!" 'Oh...just a cat." Then he goes to the final one and then the blonde girl yelled out "Tomato!"

A blonde walked into a shoe shop and saw a pair of shoes made from alligator skin that she liked. “How much for these shoes?” - she asked the store manager. “$200″ - he replied. “That’s too expensive! Can’t you bring the price down?” - the blonde. The store manager said he couldn’t, and got irritated when the blonde persisted. Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, “There’s a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don’t you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?!” - he yelled. “Fine. I will.” - the blonde replied. After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her. When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones. Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed “Oh my gosh! This one doesn’t have any shoes either!”

It was a really hot day and this blonde decided she would go buy a coke. She went to the coke machine and when she put her money in, a coke came out - so she kept putting money in. And since it was such a hot day, a line had formed behind her. Finally, a guy on line said, "Will you hurry up? We're all hot and thirsty!" And the blonde said, "No way. I'm still winning!"

How many blondes does it take to play hide and seek? One.

Two blondes are at work when one of them gets a delivery of a dozen roses from her boyfriend. The blonde coworker notices that the blonde recipient doesn't seem too pleased about getting the roses. "You know," says the coworker, "If I got a dozen long stem roses from a man, I would be very happy." The other blonde replies, "Yeah, but now I have to spend half the night with my legs in the air." "Why?" the coworker asks, "Can't you afford a vase?"

Did you hear about the blonde who tried to kill herself? She jumped out a basement window!

How does a blond spell farm? E-I-E-I-O

A blonde, brunette and redhead were smoking cigarettes one afternoon. The blonde had Camels, redhead had Marlboros, and the brunette had Kools. It began to pour down raining, so the redhead and brunette both pull out condoms and put them on their cigarettes. The blonde asks, "What are you doing?" and they reply, "We're saving it for later." Impressed, and in a hurry, the blonde goes to the nearest store and asks for a condom. The clerk says "What size: small, medium, or large?" She answers, "I don't know, one to fit a camel?"

What do you call a blond who can't swim? Bait!

This is a true story of a poor dizzy blond flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic,calls out a May Day. "May Day! May Day! Help Me! Help Me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead and I don't know how to fly. Help Me! Please Help Me!" She hears a voice over the radio saying: "This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position!" She says, "I'm 5'4 and i'm in the front seat." (pause) "O.K." says the voice in the radio....... "Repeat after me: Our father who art in heaven........"

I knew a blonde that was so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

A father, mother, and son were going to Europe and were going to visit the nude beaches while they were there. They didn't want the son to get a distorted view of beauty, so they told him, "The men with really big dicks and the girls with really, really big boobs were both really, really dumb." When they got to the beach they split up. Later the mother saw the son and asked where his dad was. The boy said, ''Well, the last time I saw him he was talking to this really, really, dumb blonde, and the longer they talked, the dumber he got.''

A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop. The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?" The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!" The cop looked at her and said, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener!"

A police officer arrives at an accident scene where apparently three blondes have leaped to their death from a very tall building. He suddenly notices that one is still breathing so he approaches her and asks, "Why did you women jump off of the building?" The blonde answers in a very weak voice, "We wanted to try out our new maxi-pads, with wings..."

A blonde walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "What do you have on tap?" He replies, "Anheuser-Busch" (And-how's-your bush). She says, "Just fine. How's your penis?"

What did the blonde see when she looked into a box if cheerios? Donut seeds

How do you keep a blonde busy all day? Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.

Why did the blonde go to KFC? She heard she could get a pair of breasts for $1.99

Q: Why did the blonde have trouble in the ladies' room? A: She is not used to pulling her own pants down.

A blonde couple was delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them that they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?” The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby, and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.

Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist? A: "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

Q: What do you call a blonde at a golf course? A: The 19th hole.

A police officer sees a blonde woman driving and knitting at the same time. Exasperated, he drives up next to her and screams out the window, "Pull over!" The blonde responds, "No Silly, it's a scarf."

A red haired person, a blond, and a brunette go hunting the brunette comes back with a deer and the red haired person says, "how did you get that?" The brunette responds, "I saw the tracks; I followed the tracks and boom a deer." So the red head comes back with an elephant and says, "I saw the tracks; I followed the tracks and boom an elephant." The blonde comes back beaten and nearly dead and says, "I saw the tracks; I followed the track and boom a train."

Q: What did the bartender say when a priest, a Boy Scout, and a blonde walked in? A: "Is this a joke?"

A blonde was telling a brunette that her computer broke. So the brunette said she would check the blonde's e-mail for her. The blonde said, ''Cool! E-mail me and tell me what I got.''

A very well-built young blonde was lying on her psychiatrist’s couch telling him how frustrated she was since she always failed at everything she seemed to try. “I’ve tried to be a secretary and failed,” she complained. “I tried to be an actress and failed. Then, I tried sales and I failed at that too.” The doctor thought for a moment and then said, “It is important for everyone to live a full and meaningful life. Have you tried nursing?” She thought about his suggestion for a second, then opened her blouse and revealed one. Pointing it at the doctor, she said, “OK, I’ll give it a try.