Jokes

Q: How are blondes like pianos? A: When they're not upright, they're grand.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: You put her in a round room and tell her to sit in a corner. Q: How does a blonde confuse you? A: She comes out and says she did.

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license. The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?" Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!" The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman. The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."

A blonde says to her doctor, "Each time I try to sip my coffee, my eye hurts." The doctor says, "Maybe you should take the stirrer out of the cup."

A redhead, a brunette and a blonde robbed a supermarket. While the robbery was in progress, a police officer walked in the store and saw what was happening. He dashed toward them, but they were able to get away into the back of the store. There they found three sacks to hide in. When the police officer checked there, he examined each sack. He kicks the first bag, and the redhead says "meow" in a high voice. The cop determines that it must only be a cat in that bag, and he moves on to the next. When he kicks the second bag, the brunette says "woof" in a low voice. The officer determines that it must only be a dog in that bag, so he moves on to the last bag. He kicks the third bag, and the blonde shouts "potato" to the officer.

One day while jogging, a man noticed two tennis balls lying by the side of the road. He picked the balls up, put them in his pocket and proceeded on his way. Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blonde standing next to him and smiling. "What are those big bulges in your running shorts?" she asked. "Tennis balls," answered the man, smiling back. "Wow," said the blonde, looking upset. "That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable."

A blonde goes to the hospital to give blood and is asked what type she is. She tells them she’s an outgoing cat-lover.

Q: Why does the blonde have the biggest tits in the third grade? A: Because she's 21.

Q: What do you call a blonde in the freezer? A: A Frosted Flake.

N orris and Fallon died in a hunting accident. Norris goes to heaven and Fallon goes to hell. One day Norris looks down at Fallon in hell. Fallon has a beer in his hand and a blonde on his lap. Norris gets pissed off so he goes to God and says, “What is this sh1t? I think I want to go to hell! Just look at my friend down there.” God says “Look closer. The beer has a hole in the bottom and the blonde doesn’t.”

Q: What does a blonde do when it gets cold? A: She sits by a candle. Q: What does she do when it gets really cold? A: She lights it.

How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday morning? Tell her a joke on Friday night.

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are driving in a truck. The brunette and redhead are in the cab and the blonde is in the back. They accidentally drive off a bridge into water. The brunette and redhead get out and swim to the surface and wait for the blonde. After a few minutes the blonde surfaces and the other two ask, "What took so long?" The blonde replies, "I couldn't get the tailgate down."

My blonde friend likes uniformed men, so I ask her, “Are you going to date the policeman or the military man?” She says, “The policeman, of course.” I ask, “why?” My blonde friend replies, “Certainly you have heard of a short arm inspection and the long arm of the law.”

Anant to Blonde :- Dear, u r not wearing panty today? Blonde:- Yes sir, u r great.. hw did u know that? Anant:- i can see dandruff on ur shoes..

Q: How can you tell if a blonde used a computer? A: There's Wite-Out all over the screen.

Q: How does a blonde try to kill a worm? A: Bury it alive!

A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat. "No!" yells the blonde. Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again. "For the last time, no!" says the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asks, "Well, why the hell not?" The blonde says, "Because I wanna stay up here with you!"

How to mess with a blond for hours? write 'please turn over' on each side of the paper

Why can’t blondes make ice cubes? They forget the recipe.

I was driving my soon to be hot blonde girlfriend down the highway to victoria yesterday. She looked at the car beside us and said they must be from a foreign country. I looked at the plates and it said beautiful british columbia. I played along and said why do u think theyre from foreign country. She said well the little boys in the back seat are writing in the window and it says: STIT  RUOY  SU  WOHS. Later that night we were in the hotel room and she said her boobs are so small and she wanted to get a boob job. So I said my hands are so small. U should give me a hand job

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator? A: The blonde works in the dark!

How do blondes pierce their ears? They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

I have no idea how to post this...yes I am a blonde

A blonde and a red head fall out of a window at the exact same time. Who makes it to the groung first? The redhead, because the blonde had to stop and ask for directions on the way down.

Q: What do you call the blonde in a horror movie? A: Dead meat.

Two blondes were driving down the road. The blonde driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working. So the blonde looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."

A blonde is overweight so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day and repeat for two weeks and you'll lose at least five pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. The doctor exclaims, "That's amazing! Did you follow my diet?" The blonde nods. "I thought I was going to drop dead every third day from all the skipping!"

A blind man walks into a bar, makes his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender. "Hey, You wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair that you should know five things. Number One. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. Number Two. The bouncer is a blonde girl. Number Three. I'm a six-foot-tall, 175 lb. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate. Number Four. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter. Number Five. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. She concludes by smugly asking, "Now think about it seriously, mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five f*cking times."

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."