Jokes

A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams inagony. She pushes her knee and screams,pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes. The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?" She says, "No, I'm really a blonde." "I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken

Did you hear about the blonde that got an am radio? It took her a month to realise she could play it at night.

How do you break a blonde's nose? Place a dildo under a glass table!

I finally found out why blondes wear those big, jangly hoops for earrings. Stirrups !!

Q: How did the blonde fisherman die? A: He was run over by the Zamboni.

blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next."

We all have one ginger friend that claims to be "strawberry blonde".

What do you call a blonde with a brain? A golden retriever.

Q: Why do blondes like hearing blonde jokes? A: It makes them feel popular.

There are three girls. A redhead, a brunette and a blonde. They're at the gates of heaven and God was waiting. God said,"there are one hundred steps and for each step there will be a joke if you laugh at it you go to hell." The redhead went first and got to joke eight before she busted up laughing she went to hell. The brunette went next and got to joke eighty-two before she busted up laughing so, she went to hell. The blonde got to joke one hundred and started laughing before God told the final joke and said,"why are you laughing I haven't even told the joke yet?" The blonde said," I just got joke 1."

Hear the one about the blonde who decided to sell her vacuum cleaner? All it was doing was gathering dust.

Two blondes decide to go duck hunting. Neither one of them has ever been duck hunting before and after several hours they still haven't bagged any. One hunter looks at the other and says, "I just don't understand it, why aren't we getting any ducks?" Her friend says, "I keep telling you, I just don't think we're throwing the dog high enough."

A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, “I'll take that bet!” Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said, “I can't take this, you're my friend. I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money.” The blonde replied, “Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!”

a blonde walked into a department store and said "i would like to buy this tv". the manager said "sorry we don't sell to blondes". the blonde was so mad, she went home and died her hair black. she went back to the department store and said "i would like to buy this tv please", the manager said "sorry we don't sell to blondes". the blonde was furious. she went home and died her hair red but waited a couple of days to return. after a couple of days she returned to the department store and said "i would like to buy this tv please". the manager replied with "we don't sell to blondes". the blonde said how do you know I'm a blonde. the manager said "because that's a microwave"

A blonde lady was stuck in a snowstorm when she remembered her dad's advice: "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, wait until a snowplow drives by and then follow it." Eventually she saw a snowplow so she followed it along in her car. After 30 minutes, the snowplow driver stopped, got out, and walked up to the woman's car asking, "Lady, why are you following me?" She explained what her father had told her and the driver said, "Well I'm done with the Walmart parking lot now. Do you want to follow me to Best Buy?"

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded on an island. The redhead looks to the east and says that the shore is about 20 miles away. She swims out 10 miles, but she gets tired and drowns. The brunette also looks to the east, figures the distance to shore is about 20 miles and starts swimming. She gets 15 miles out, but she gets tired and drowns. The blonde figures that there's about 20 miles to the shore also. She swims 19 miles to the point where she can barely see the shore, and then she gets tired. So she swims back.

Q: Why do blondes leave empty beer cans in their refrigerator? A: For their friends that don't drink.

Q: What do you call 24 blondes in a box? A: A case of empties!

A blonde and her mother are walking around. The blonde starts falling over and bumping into everything. "Lilly, what are you doing?" The mother asks. She replies "For some reason, when I close my eyes, I can't see anything!" "This is why I told your father we should've adopted an Asian" The mother mumbles. Lilly falls over again.

Q: How did the blonde die at the baseball game? A: She drowned during the wave.

Thers a Blonde at a computer trying to play a game and it says "press any key to begin" and shes looking at the computer trying to find the any key

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!" "This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

Mike, to a blonde at the bar: "It's rude to interrupt a man when he's talking to his wife." Sara: "Wife?" Mike: "I'm working on it." Sara: "You're awful sure of yourself." Mike: "You too."

A blonde women is sitting in her garage, alone, with a gun to her head. She is depressed and finally decides that she just can't live anymore. Then, her husband comes home, finds her with the gun and begs her not to do it. "Please, honey, don't do it, i'll do anything you want, but please, don't kill yourself!" he pleads. "Shut up! your next!" the blonde says.

Q: What's it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? A: Data transfer.

16 Blondes are standing outside the bar. Why didn't they go in? The sign said 18+

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra? A: Spot.

Two blond girls are discussing: "Yesterday during the blackout I got stuck in the elevator for three whole hours!" "Tell me about it! I got stuck too in the escalators."

Why did the blonde throw breadcrumbs in the toilet? To feed the toilet duck!

What can save a dying blonde? Hair transplants.