Jokes

How do you drown a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.

there are 3 girls on a island. they are blond, brunette and a black haired. after 3 weeks of starvation god comes down and says "Go home alredy. i will give you 1 wish each. use it wisley. the brunette says "i want to go home!" and poof she goes home. the black says "i want to go home!" and poof she goes home. the the blonde says "i want my friends back!"

A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's tail and our friend was stuck again. The neighbor suggested she notch the ear off one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again our friend couldn't tell them apart. The neighbor suggested she measure the horses for height. When she did, she was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black.

What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear? Data transfer.

Q. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? A. Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

A blonde was swerving all over the road so she got pulled over by a cop. The cop asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?" The blonde said, "I'm sorry, sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me, and I can't seem to get away from it!" The cop told her, "Lady, that's your air freshener."

What do you call a smart blonde? There is only two simple little words to describe this joke and that is: A miracle

Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? A: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.

She was so blonde that she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

What does a blonde in a supermarket bending over? Looking for low prices!

A man comes home from work early to find his blonde wife in bed with three men. Completely shocked, he shouts, "Hello, Hello, Hello!" The blonde whines, "What? No hello for me?"

A blonde walked into a doctor's office with two burnt ears. The doctor asked her, "What happened to your ear?" The blonde replied, "I was ironing and the phone rang, so instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and put it to my ear. Still not satisfied, the doctor asked, "Well, what happened to the other ear?" "The sucker called again!"

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead are interviewing for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First, the panel of scientists asks the brunette, “If you could go to any planet, what planet would you choose and why?” She answers promptly, “I would go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet.” Next, the panel asks the redhead the same question. Without any hesitation, she replies, “I’d like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings.” Finally, the NASA scientists ask the blonde the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead. After pondering for several minutes, she finally answers, “I would go to the sun.” Several scientists suppress a laugh, but the lead interviewer, trying to take the blonde seriously, explains, “Well, if you went to the sun, you’d burn to death almost instantaneously.” The blond smirks and puts her hands on her hips. “Do you think I am fcuking stupid! I’d go at night!”

A blonde, a brunet and a red head were in a competition to see who could swim 60 miles accross a river. The brunet swims 30 miles, gets a cramp and drowns. The red head swims accross 30 miles, gets bit by a shark and drowns. The blonde swims 30 miles accross, says: "I'm tired." and swims 30 miles back.

there was a blonde walking down the park one day, she had headphones, if she took it off she dies. a man then bumps into her and knocks her headphones off. the man sees her die on the floor. he then picks up the headphones and listens to what she was listening too. what he heard was "breathe in, breathe out"

What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet? Hide-and-go-seek winner from last year.

What is a brunette between two blondes? An interpreter.

What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet? Last year's hide and seek champion.

After losing his fortune, a Texas oilman decided to spend his last twenty bucks at a whorehouse. He entered and promptly went up to the Madam and asked her what he could get for $20. The Madam gave him a lengthy stare and told him to go upstairs, last door on the left. He proceeded to march up the stairs and entered the room. To his shock and pleasure he saw a beautiful blonde waiting naked on the bed. So he tore off his clothes and jumped on and started pumping away for dear life. Upon orgasm he noticed that stuff started oozing out of her eyeballs. He runs down to the Madam to report this and she looks at him turns around and yells, "Hey Charlie....... The dead one's full again!"

What’s the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal? The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.

The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. "I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any." "But I always get it here," says the blonde. "Do you have the container it comes in?" "Yes!" says the blonde, "I will go and get it." She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant." The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: "To apply, push up bottom."

Q: Why were there bullet holes in the mirror? A: A blonde tried killing herself.

Once upon a time a blonde was swimming in the river. A man went up to her and asked, "Why are you doing this? The blonde said, "I'm washing my clothes. Is there a problem?" The man said, "Why don't you try a washing machine? The blonde replied, "I feel dizzy in the washing machine!"

A blonde, out of money, and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom. She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides, on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde." The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning, the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

A man was mowing his lawn when he heard his neighbor, who happened to be a blonde, come out of her house. She opened her mailbox, looked inside and slammed it shut. She stomped her foot and went back inside. The man thought ''how weird.'' A few minutes passed and sure enough, the blonde came out of her house again, checked her mail box, stamped her foot and went back inside. The man stopped mowing and checked her mailbox to see what was so wrong with it. After seeing nothing, he went back to mowing just shrugging his shoulders. As soon as he heard her coming out again, he shut off his mowing machine and went up to her. ''What in the world are you doing, coming out here every five minutes?'' The blonde looked up at the man and said, ''Well, you see, there's this little voice in my house that keeps on saying, 'You've got mail,' but when I come out here to check, I don't have any.''

There were five blondes and one brunette holding onto a rope off the edge of a cliff. But their rope could only bear the weight of of five people. The brunette said, "Save yourselves. I'll let go." Impressed by her sacrifice, all of the blondes clapped...

Two blondes walk beside each other down the street. One of them sees a broken piece of mirror on the ground, grabs it, looks at it and says, "This girl looks so familiar, but I can't remember where I know her from." The other girl grabs it from her hand, takes a look at it, and says, "It's me you idiot!"

Q: How do you drown a blond? A: Don't tell her to swallow.

A blonde was headed to Detroit. She got on the plane and sat down in first class. A few minutes later, a flight attendent came up to her and told her that her ticket was for coach and she had to move from the seat. She refused. The flight attendent was persistant, but the blonde replied, "No, I want to sit here, I've always wanted to see what it is like in first class." The flight attendent was getting frustrated. Finally, after quite some time, she convinced her to move. Another passenger who overheard the conversation asked the attendent, "How did you get her to move?" The flight attendent replied, "I told her that first class doesn't stop in Detroit."

I don't understand any jokes on this website-blonde