Jokes

Blonde: "What is the second to last letter of the alphabet?" Redhead: "Y." Blonde: "Because I want to know. Why do you have to question everything?!"

Q: What's brown and black and blue all over? A: A brunette who has been telling too many blonde jokes.

How do you make a blonde’s eyes sparkle? Shine a torch into her ear.

A blonde and brunette are living together. The brunette came home from work one day and the blonde had a rope around her waist. The brunette asked why she had a rope tied around her waist. The blonde answered that she was trying to commit suicide. The brunette said, "You're supposed to put the rope around your neck." The blonde replied, "I tried that but I couldn't breathe!"

There's 1 redhead 1 brunette and 1 blonde. Their all at the NASA space center. The redhead says to the flight technician, "I want to go to the moon". The flight technician says she can go tomorrow. The brunette says, "I want to go to Mars". He says she can go next week. The blonde says, "I want to go to the sun". The flight technician says, "Don't you know you'll burn up?" The blonde says, "Well then I'll go at night."

Q: Why are two blonde girls fighting on a motorcycle? A: They are fighting because they both want to sit next to the window.

Three blondes had boyfriends all named John and they kept getting confused. They decided to name them after sodas. The first girl said, "I'll call mine 7 Up, because he's seven inches and he's always up." The next girl said, "I'll call mine Mountain Dew, because he mounts me and knows exactly what to do." The last girl goes, "I'll call mine Jack Daniels." The other girls yelled at her and said, "That's not a soda! That's a hard licker!"

There are three blondes who are on a road trip. As they are driving through the desert, their car breaks down. They have no phone to call anyone, so they decide to walk to the nearest city, several miles away. They each decide to take one thing to make the journey better. The first blonde takes the radio and says, "If we get bored, we can put the radio on and listen to music." The second blonde decides to take a wheel, "In case one of us gets really tired, we can go inside the wheel and be rolled." The third blonde takes the car door, "In case it gets too hot, we can roll down the window!"

A blonde gets lost and calls for directions. The operator asks which cross streets she's at. The blonde replies, "I'm on the corner of Walk and Do Not Walk."

How do you know if a blonde has been playing with your Xbox 360? The joystick is wet.

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are stranded on a island. They search the island and find a lamp. They rub it and out pops a genie. He says since there's three of them each gets one wish. The brunette wishes she was back home and disappears from the island. The redhead wishes the same thing and disappears from the island. The blonde looks around and says "I wish I had my friends back"!

Five blokes in an Audi Quattro arrived at the ferry checkpoint. Blonde Tracey, in her brand new uniform, stops them and tells them: “I can’t let you on the ferry. It is illegal to have 5 people in a Quattro. Quattro means four. One of you will have to get out and stay behind.” “Quattro is just the name of the car,” the driver replies disbelievingly. “Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five persons.” “You cannot pull that one on me. This is Tracey you’re talking to here,” she replies with a smile. “Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law. So I can’t let you onto the ferry. It’s more than my job’s worth to let you all on.” The driver is now very cross and replies angrily, “I’ve had enough of you. Call your supervisor over. I want to speak to someone with more intelligence….!” “Sorry,” responds Tracey, “but Sharon is busy with those two blokes in the Fiat Uno.”

What did the blonde say when she found out that she was pregnant? I hope it's not mine.

Three blondes are standing at the edge of a river they want to get across so the first blonde says "I want to be 10% smarter" And turns in to a brunette and swims across the river The second blonde says "I want to be 20% smarter" and so she builds a boat and goes across the river The third blonde says "okay that's it I want to be 100% smarter and turns into a man and walks across the bridge

There were two blonds on their way to Disney World. When they were getting close there was a sign that read, “DISNEY WORLD LEFT,” So they turned around and went home.

This blonde woman went to Canada to seek her fortune as a lumberjack. She met a foreman of a logging organization who offered to give her a job. "Now I hope you realize we expect you to cut down at least 100 trees a day," the foreman told her. The blonde woman didn't see this as a problem, so she went out with the Chainsaw and did her best. She came back sweating like a pig. "Christ, how many trees did you cut down?" asked the foreman. "6" she replied. "What!? You have to do beter than that. Get up earlier tommorow.'' The foreman said. So she did. Out she went with the chainsaw, she came back that night exhausted. "How many this time?" asked the foreman. "12" she said. The foreman says, "That does it. I'm coming out there with you tommorow morning." The next morning, the foreman reaches the first tree and says, "This is how to cut down trees really quickly." He pulls the rope on the chainsaw and it gives off a loud BRRRRRRUM. He notices the blonde is looking at him frantically. So he asks her what's wrong. She replies, "What the hell is that?"

Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes in a freezer? A: Frosted Flakes.

There once was a magic mirror which would kill you if you lied to it. One day a brunette was doing her makeup and said to herself "I think I'm the smartest woman ever!" She immediately dropped dead. The next day a redhead was doing her hair and said to herself "I think I'm the prettiest woman alive!" She immediately dropped dead. Finally, the following day, a blond was flossing her teeth. She stopped and said to herself "I think," and dropped dead.

T wo gay men were strolling arm-in-arm along the sidewalk when a really gorgeous blonde passed them by. She was a stunning beauty with an absolutely perfect body. One gay remarked to the other, “You know, there’s times when I almost wish I was a lesbian.”

A man in an office sees a blonde next to a fax machine crying her eyes out. He asks her what’s wrongs and she says “It’s this machine! I can’t get it to send a fax!” The man shows her how to do and the piece of paper goes through the machine, at this the blonde sobs loudly again and says “But it’s still here!”

Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: Tell her a blonde joke.

Why did the blonde ask for some burned-out light bulbs? She needed them for her darkroom.

Q: Why do blondes wear tampons when they skydive? A: So they don't whistle on their way down.

Q: What did the blonde say when the airplane began to shake? A: Must be an earthquake.

Q: Have you heard about the blonde psychology major working her way through college as a prostitute? A: For $50, she'll screw with your mind.

A blond whines at her mother: Mother, I’m impregnate! What? Where the hell was you’re head? What do you mean by that, on the pillow off course!

A blonde woman is walking down the street, with her blouse open. A cop is approaching from about a block away, thinking, "Boy, my eyes must be going, it looks like that woman's right boob is hanging out." As he gets closer it becomes apparent that it "IS" hanging out. When he gets face to face with her he says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" She says, "Why, officer?" "Well, your boob is hanging out." She looks down and says "OMIGOD, I left the baby on the bus!"

A Scotsman is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear. The blonde realises he is staring and inquires, “Are you looking at my growler?” “Yes, I’m sorry, ” says the Scotsman and promises to avert his eyes. “It’s quite alright,” replies the woman, “It’s very talented, watch this, I’ll make it blow a kiss to you.” Sure enough the growler blows him a kiss. Wee Hughie, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the growler can do. “I can also make it wink, ” says the woman. The Scotsman stares in amazement as the growler winks at him. “Come and sit next to me,” suggests the woman, patting the seat. The Scotsman moves over and is asked, “Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?” Stunned, The Scotsman replies, “Good grief! Can it whistle, too?”

Q. Why do blonde women get confused in the toilet? A. Because they have to pull their own pants down.

Q: Why did the blonde cross the road? A: I don't know, and neither does she.