Jokes

A blonde asks a bypasser: Excuse me, would you tell me where the other side of the road is? It's on the other side. Strange.. When I was on the other side, people told me it's here...

What do bleached blondes and jumbo jets have in common? Black boxes.

A pakistani girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know! The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house, Anant steps out of the car and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them, Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge. If a girl is born, I will bequeath her two retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $5,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do? At this point, the father who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the Anant's shoulder and tells him: Then you try again !

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?" The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV, it's a microwave!"

An extremely ugly man was sitting in a bar having a drink with his friend, who is the exact opposite in fact he may be the most handsome man in town. The two of them are discussing a beautiful blond girl sitting at the bar. The handsome man said, “Boy I sure would like to get some of that. The ugly man said, “Go ahead go for it. The handsome man said, “There’s no way She won’t go with anybody I’ve tried many times.” The ugly man said, “I think I could go out with her if I wanted to.” The handsome man laughed and said, “If She won’t go out with me She sure as hell won’t go with you.” Ugly said, “I’ll bet you fifty bucks She’ll go with me.” Handsome says, “You’re on.” Ugly says, “Ok just leave the money with the bartender and I’ll pick it up later.” He walks up to the girl starts talking and turned and walked out of the bar, with the girl right behind him. The handsome man couldn’t believe it. He went up to the bar and asked the bartender, “What happened, what did he say to her?” The bartender told him, “Well he didn’t say much. He just said it’s a nice night for a walk. Then he licked his eyebrows and left.”

Miss Jones, we can’t employ you as a model,” the editor from the men’s magazine explained. “It’s too obvious that your blonde hair isn’t natural, since the hair between your legs is black.” The model picked up a paperweight and slammed it down on the editor’s fingers. “What the hell did you do that for!” he exploded. She smiled sweetly and said, “Look at your fingers. They’re turning black, right? And they’ve only been banged once.”

Why did the blonde burn her ear? The phone rang while she was ironing!

How does a blonde spell "farm?" E-I-E-I-O!!

Q: What goes stop, go, stop, go, stop, go? A: A blonde at a flashing red light.

There were two blondes, and they had just came from a store. The blonde that owned the mustang had locked her keys in the car. She was trying to pick the lock when she stoped to rest for a second. When she sat down, her friend said, "Hurry up, it's starting to rain and the top's down!"

What's blonde and has an IQ of 160? A foursome!

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenaed at you? Awenser: pull the ring and throw it back

Q: Why can't a blonde count to 70? A: Because 69's a mouthful.

A blonde orders a pizza and is asked if she wants it cut into six or 12 pieces. She responds, "Six, please. I could never eat 12 pieces."

A blonde’s car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers… Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn’t very long before a police car arrives. The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, “What is going on here?” “My car broke down, Officer,” says the woman, calmly. “Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!” asks the Officer… “Oh, those are my emergency flashers!” she replied.

The blonde Anna made her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family. "We've been trying for months now, doctor, to get pregnant," she confessed miserably. "I'm sure we'll solve your problem," the doctor reassured her. "If you'll just take off your clothes and lie down on examining table." "Well, all right, doctor," agreed the Anna, blushing, "but It would have been better to have my husband's baby.

A blonde texted me the other day and said, "Hey what's your phone number?"

A blond was taking a shower and her husband called in and asked "did you find the new dry hair shampoo I picked up for you?" And the blond replied "yes but there's a problem I already got my hair wet"

How do you get a blonde to marry you? Tell her she’s pregnant.

There was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, who were all stranded on an island. One day they found a genie and he said he would grant them three wishes. All three of them agreed that each of them would get one wish each. The brunette said, "I wish I was home in my bed and that this never happened." and poof, her wish was granted. The redhead said, "I wish that I was at home in my bed and this never happened." and poof, her wish was granted. Then the blond said, "I wish my friends were here with me."

How do you know when a blonde's been sending e-mail? Envelopes in the disk drive.

when my girlfriend twerks it makes the whole world rumble

Q: Why do blondes have more fun? A: They are easier to keep amused.

I used to have a best friend that was a blonde. One day we were talking about a cute guy that was really annoying at times and really cute the other times. We pretended to date so that I would be able to avoid her. After the date I told her that he wasn't my boyfriend. She asks "So what is he?". I say "Let's just say he's the opposite of 'my boyfriend." Then she says "So he's your girlfriend?"

Q: What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech, vroom, screech? A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q: What’s the difference between a smart blonde and a unicorn? A: Nothing, they're both fictional characters.

Why don't blondes eat bananas? They can't find the zipper.

Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman. Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing. Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, “Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!” “Dear God! Did you try to stop him?” “No,” she said, “I did better than that! I got the license plate number!”

3 girls step on a magic rug that makes u disappear if u tell a lie. Brunette: I think I'm the prettiest girl in school. *poof* Red-head: I think I'm the most popular girl in school. *poof* Blonde: I think-. *poof*

Q: Why did the blonde keep taking off the soda's bottle cap and putting it back on? A: The bottle cap said, "Sorry, try again."