Jokes

A dentist tells a blonde that she needs braces. The blonde says, "Why? I can walk just fine." When the dentist explains that braces are for her teeth, she replies, "But my teeth don't walk."

If pink and glitter were vitamins blondes would be the healthiest people alive.

Did you hear about the blonde who was treated in the emergency room for concussion and severe head wounds? She’d tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungee cord.

How do you change a blonde’s mind? Blow in her ear.

My wife decided to bleach her facial hair the other day. I’m not sure the blond goatee beard makes her look any better.

Q: What did the blonde say when she was offered a position at the UN? A: "Would that be a missionary position?"

How do you kill a blonde with one arm? You wave to her.

A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.” When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds. “Wow, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instructions?” The blonde nods… “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." “From hunger, you mean?” said the doctor. “No, from skipping,” replied the blonde.

Two croupiers are sitting bored at the roulette of THE CASINO. Suddenly a very attractive blonde woman enters and bets $20,000 on a roll, saying: "I hope you do not mind, but I feel very lucky when I play naked." With that, she unbuttons the zipper, takes her dress and underwear off, throw the dice and yells: "Come on baby, mama needs new clothes!" She looks with agony and as soon as the dice stops, starts jumping up and down screaming: "YES, YES, YES I WON!" She embraces one to one of the dealers, taking her profits and clothes and disappears. The guys are looking dumbfounded at each other. Eventually, one asks: "Did you see what dice she rolled?" "I do not know, I thought you were watching!"

A blonde wanders into a library and says, ‘Can I have a burger and fries?’ The librarian says, ‘I’m sorry, but this is a library.’ The blonde whispers, ‘Can I have a burger and fries?’

How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the bathtub.

How do you kill a blonde? Put a scratch n'snif sticker at the bottom of a swimming pool.

Q: What do you call a blonde who has dyed her hair brown? A: Artificial intelligence.

Two blonde football fans are walking along the road when one of them picks up a mirror. He looks in it and says, 'Hey, I know that person!' The second one picks it up and says, 'Of course you do, you idiot, it's me'.

A blonde desserts her home town out of shame, and colors her hair brown. She drives past a farm and sees all the sheep. She goes up to the farmer and ask, "If I guess how many sheep you have can I have one?" The farmer nodded. She continued. "159" The farmer is surprised. "How did you know?" "Lucky guess" She grabs one and gets in her car. The farmer comes up and says, "If I can guess your real hair color can I get my dog back?"

Q: How many bleached-blonde, boney, right-wing, political pundits who resemble transvestites does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Just the one.

The horny midget found that the best way to make time with women was to be direct about it. So he went up to the tallest blondest woman at the party and said, “Hey, honey, whaddaya say to a little fcuk?” She looked down at him and promptly replied, “Hello, you little fcuk!”

What do you see when you look into a blonde’s eyes? The back of her head.

A brunette was jumping along railroad tracks, saying, "21, 21, 21." A blonde comes along and starts doing the same thing. They hear a train, and the brunette jumps off, but the blonde keeps jumping. The blonde gets hit and dies. After the train leaves, the brunette jumps back on, this time saying, "22, 22, 22."

Why is 68 the maximum speed for blondes? Because at 69 they blow a rod.

Brunette: "where are you from?" Blonde: "California" Brunette: "what part?" Blonde: "all of me"

What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet? After you use a toilet it doesn't follow you around for three days.

Q: What do you call a blonde who knows how to read? A: A brunette in a wig.

One day, a blonde walked into a store. She examined some of the items on the shelves before walking over to the store owner and saying: “I’d like to buy that TV, please.” The man replied, “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell to blondes.” So, that night, she goes home and dies her hair brown. She goes back to the store the next day, and walks up to the owner, saying “I would like to buy that TV, please.” The man once again replied, “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell to blondes.” Frustrated, she went home, died all her hair black, then came back to the store, and said: “I would like to buy that TV.” The owner of the store replied in a slightly amused voice, “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell to blondes.” At the end of her limit, the blonde cut all of her hair off, went to the store, and said, “I’d like to buy that TV.” The man said, “We don’t sell to blondes.” The blonde, extremely frustrated, said, “How do you even know I’m a blonde?!” The man replied, in a calm voice: “For starters that’s not a TV, that’s a microwave.”

Q: Why did the blonde sell her television? A: To buy a VCR.

Anna said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold." The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up." Anna did and her hands warmed up. The next day, the Anna was riding with her boyfriend who said, "My hands are freezing cold." Anna replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up." He did and it warmed his hands. The next day the boyfriend was again driving with Anna and said, "My penis is frozen solid." The following day, Anna was driving in the buggy with her mother, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?" Slightly concerned the mother said, "Why, yes. Why do you ask?" Anna replies, "They make one heck of a mess when they defrost, don't they?"

Q: How do you drown a blonde in a submarine? A: Knock on the door.

How do you determine a blonde’s IQ? With a tyre gauge.

A blonde calls a pizza place to have one ordered to her house. They ask her if she wants the pizza cut into 6 or 12 pieces and she says, "Cut it into 6, I could never eat 12 pieces."

Q: Why couldn't the blonde add 10 + 5 on a calculator? A: She couldn't find the "10" button.