Jokes

A blonde was trying to sell her old car but was having a lot of problems because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day she told her problem to a brunette that she worked with. The brunette told her: “There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it’s not legal.” “That doesn’t matter,” replied the blonde, “if I only can sell the car.” “Okay,” said the brunette. “Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop which specilises in toyota parts, but he does other stuff too. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore.” The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde: “Did you sell your car?” “No,” replied the blonde, “why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it.”

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island. One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie. The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one." The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home." POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family. Then, the red head says, "I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too." POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family. The blonde starts crying uncontrollably. The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?" The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."

A blonde was in the hairdressers and she says, “My boyfriend has an itchy, flaky scalp, can you recommend anything”? The hairdresser says “Have you tried “Head and Shoulders”, that should do the trick” The blonde says “Oh, I never thought of that,……………err, how do you give shoulders”?

Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on her head? A: All you can eat under a buck.

what is the differance between butter and a blonde? Butter is harder to spread.

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps tables for players when a gorgeous blonde lady walked in and asked if they minded if she bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely naked." With that, she stripped off all her clothes and then rolled the dice while yelling "Come on baby, momma needs new clothes!" She then jumped up and down, hugging each of the casino dealers while yelling "YES, I WIN! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, I WIN!!" With that, she picked up her winnings and clothes and quickly left. The dealers stood there staring at each other dumbfounded, until one finally asked the other, "What the hell did she roll anyway?" The second dealer answered, "I thought you were paying attention!"

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead wake up on an island with a gun. Only three bullets were in the barrel. "I'm going hunting," said the redhead, and she ran into the vegetation. She came back with a rabbit. "How did you get that?" the other two asked. "I followed the tracks, shot it and brought it back. The brunette, thinking that she could do better, went out and came back with a deer. "How did you get that?" the other two asked. "I followed the tracks, shot it and brought it back. "I could do better than either of you" said the blonde and ran into the forest and came back with bruises and scrapes. "What happened?" they asked. "I followed the tracks and got hit by a train."

I was walking along the street with my wife when this blonde approached me “Dave?” she enquired “remember me we went back to my place after the nightclub a few weeks ago?” Had I had any other occupation other than a taxi driver I don’t think I’d have talked my way out of that one.

On day a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde were on their way to heaven. God told them the stairs to heaven were 1,000 steps and on every step he was going to tell them a joke. If they laughed they would not be able to get to heaven. So the redhead made it to the 45th step and laughed. The brunette made it to the 200th step and laughed. But the blonde made it to the 999th step and laughed even before god told his joke. God asked "Why did you laugh I haven't even told the joke yet" The blonde said "I know I just now got the first one!!!"

I wish this was a joke but it's what happened at my work 30 min ago so i had to share, a new Blonde girl that we hired to park customers cars was given the task or moving a Prius that was blocking the way, the car was still on mind you. I see her sit in the car and few taps on the brake and about 2 min later the car is still there as she exits the car and walks into the office to tell me the car isn't turning on something is definitely wrong with the car, i said okay lets go look at it, i sit in the driver seat and she in the passenger. I asked her what the problem was and she replied it's not turning on, i didn't want to make her feel bad so i said don't tell anyone but the car is already on.

Q: How do you get a twinkle in a blonde's eye? A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.

A woman yells to a blonde walking along a river, "How do I get on the other side!?" The blonde says, "You are on the other side!"

why did chevy invent horns in there early days ? so blondes would have something to blow in traffic jams!

A small company recently hired a new blonde secretary who certainly wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer. One day while she was typing, she turned to another secretary and said, “What do I do now? I’m almost out of typing paper.” “Just use the copier machine paper,” replied the other secretary. With that, the blonde took her last remaining blank sheet of typing paper, placed it on the photocopier and proceeded to make ten blank copies.

Q: What do you call three blondes at Christmas? A: Ho, ho, ho!

Why did the blonde live in a circular shaped house? Because her dog peed in the corners!.

A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde," her mother replied. The next day, the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, pumpkin, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?" "No, it's because you're 25."

A blond smokes in her yard. The garbage man asks her: Any garbage today? Yes, tree sacks please...

A guy had a date with this really hot blonde. He wanted a tan, so he went up on his roof and stripped because he didn't want a tan line. But he fell asleep and woke up three hours later with a sunburn, especially on his d**k. He puts lotion on it, wraps it up and gets ready for his date. The blonde comes over, they make dinner and are watching a movie when the sunburn on the guy's d**k really starts to hurt. So he excuses himself to the kitchen, where he pours milk on his d**k to alleviate the burn. The blonde, who has followed him, peeks in the kitchen and says to herself, "So that's how they load them."

Q. What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde? A. The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?" The nympho says, "Are you done already?" The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes? A: Because they always forget the recipe.

Why does a blond wear a tight skirt? To keep here legs closed.

Q: Why can't blondes tie shoes? A: They just can't grasp the concept that the long thing goes around the hole, not into it.

If you drop a blonde and a brunette 100ft, which hits the ground first? The brunette. The blonde has to ask directions on the way down.

A blonde walks into an electronics store to buy a television. She finds a salesman and tells him, “I want to buy this television," as she points. The man tells her, “Sorry Miss, we don’t sell televisions to blondes." The girl walks out and walks back inside five minutes later with a brunette wig. She finds another salesman and tells him, “Sir, I want to buy this television,” as she points. The man tells her, “Sorry Miss, but we don’t sell televisions to blondes." She leaves and comes back once again, but this time with a red wig on. She finds yet another salesman and tells him, “Sir, I would like to buy this television,” as she points. The man also tells her, “Sorry Miss, we don’t sell televisions to blondes." Now, the girl is really mad and asks the man, “How the hell do you know that I’m a blonde?!” The man points and replies, “Miss, this is not a television, it’s a microwave."

wanna know how to confuse a blonde? put her in a round room and tell her to sit in a corner.

Two blondes were trapped in an elevator. One was crying in the corner and the other one was shouting, ''HELP! HELP!" Then the one crying had an idea, ''Why don't we shout together?'' "Okay," said the other blonde. ''TOGETHER! TOGETHER!"

As a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff asks her what happened. The blonde began, "It was the strangest thing! I looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right. Then I saw another tree, so I swerved to left. Then there was another tree, and another and another ..." The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, "Mam ... I don't know how to tell you this, but the only thing even resembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your air freshener."

À brunette was walking along the creek and saw a blonde across the creek. She asked her how did you get on the other side. The blonde looked at her surroundings and replied you are on the other side.

Q. What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10? A. She picks up her purse and goes home.