Jokes

Why did the blonde like lightening? She thought someone was taking a picture of her.

Blonde1- Hey can I have some of your shampoo? Blonde2- Yeah, why not use yours? Blonde1- Mine is for dry hair and I got it wet already.

A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, "Cruise Special -- $99!". She goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, "I'd like the $99 cruise special, please." The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, where he pushes her in and sends her floating. A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and asks for the $99 special. She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river. Drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks, "Do they serve refreshments on this cruise? The second blonde replies, " They didn't last year."

A travelling salesman’s car breaks down on a deserted road, and he seeks refuge from the evening storm at a nearby farmhouse. The farmer, being a kindly soul, says to the man that he can spend the night and they’ll sort his car out in the morning. “There’s only one small problem,” says the farmer, “We don’t have much room, so y’all will have to either sleep on the couch, or share the spare bedroom with Baby.” Thoughts of middle-of-the-night crying, early-morning nappy changing and all those other unpleasant things that come with sharing a room with a strange baby spring to mind, so the salesman agrees to sleep on the couch. The next morning, he walks into the kitchen in the hopes of scoring some breakfast, and he sees this absolutely stunning, blonde, t*ts like melons and legs that went right up to her neck, she was busy making coffee and dressed in just a silk negligee, She turns around when he walks in and coos: “Hi, I’m Baby, who are you?” He replies: “I’m the stupid fcuker who just spent the whole of last night alone on the fcuking couch!!”

There was a burning building with a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde at the top. The firemen are yelling to the redhead to jump into a blanket and she jumps off the building and right as she was about to safely hit the blanket they moved it and she dies. They yell to the brunette to jump but she says,"No I saw what you did to the redhead"! They shout we don't like redheads! So the brunette jumps and sure enough they move the blanket and she dies. Then they shout to the blonde to jump off into the blanket. But the blonde says,"no I saw what you did to them"! They shout we don't like them! The blonde then says, "I don't trust you guys, put the blanket on the ground and step back!"

We went to see a movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it feels a little roomier. Just as the feature was about to start, a blonde from the center of the row got up and started working her way out. “Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuse me.” By the time she got to me, I was trying to look around her and I was a little impatient, so I said, “Couldn’t you have done this a little earlier?” “No!” she said in a loud whisper. “The ‘TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE’ message just flashed up on the screen and mine is in the car.”

A blonde is out walking in the forest when she is attacked by two men. Suddenly, an avenging hero in a black mask and flowing black cape jumps out of the bushes waving a sword and successfully chases off the two men. The blonde is thrilled to bits, falling instantly in love with her gallant rescuer. “I hope you will never forget who rescued you,” says the hero as he uses his sword to draw a large ‘Z’ on the forest floor. “Oh thank you!” says the blonde. “Thank you, Superman!”

How is Santa Claus like a smart blonde? They both don't exist

My blonde girlfriend was attempting a crossword. She asked, “Any ideas what this is? I’m stuck. Opposite of easy, four letters starts with an H and ends with a D.” “That’s Hard.” I smiled. “I know” She replied, “I’ve been stuck on it for hours.”

What's blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette? A blonde doing cartwheels.

Why did the blonde snort sweet n' low? She thought it was diet coke.

A blonde couple went to adopt a child. Assistant:How can I help you Couple:We want to adopt a baby Assistant:Come and take a look. Couple:Ooohhh this chinese baby is cute but will come get it later Assistant:why not now? Couple:First we'll have to learn how to speak Chinese.

Anna 2 Mom: Mom I have started loving a Boy! Mom angry: What?? How old is he? What does he do? Anna: He is 3 months old. Happily kicking in my stomach.

Brunette: "Do you see that dead bird?" Blonde: [looks up] "OMG! Where is it?"

Q: What do you call a skeleton in the closet? A: The 1863 Blonde Hide-and-Seek champion!

How do you keep a blonde busy for 7 hours? Give her m&ms and tell her to put them in alphabetical order

A blonde female cop pulls over another female blonde.The cop say "Can i have you're license mam?". The blonde looks in her purse for 2 minutes and gets mad and says " What does it look like?" The cop says "Its square with you're face on it.". The blonde keeps looking. She finds a square mirror and looks in it, and her reflection is there. She hands it to the cop.The cop looks and says "Oh i didn't realize you were a cop.".

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, “So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honour of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?” The Lone Ranger responds, “I’d like to speak to my horse.” The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver’s ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful,naked blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger’s Tent and spends the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admits he’s impressed. “You have very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?” The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse’s ear. As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief’s surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a naked brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger’s tent and spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. “You are indeed a man of many talents, but I still kill you tomorrow. “What is your last request?” The Lone Ranger responds,” I’d like to speak to my horse….ALONE.” The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger’s tent. Once they’re alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says: “Listen very carefully, you fcuking dickhead, for the last time………. . BRING POSSE!!!!”

There are 2 women getting ready to leave for work. The brunette gets in the driver's seat and the blonde gets in the passenger's seat. The brunette says: "We're late, so you watch out the back window for cops." As she speeds down the road she asks the blonde: "So, do you see any cops?" The blonde replies: "Yes!" The brunette says: "Are they behind us?" "Yes!" "Are they close?" "Yes!" "Are they going to stop us?" "I don't know!" "Well, are their lights on?" The blonde replies: "Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no...!

A blonde get's in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing. She calls the police and reports a theft. When the police officer comes, he looks at the blonde who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."

a Blonde a brunet and a redhead are about to be executed the brunet goes up first the executioner yells ready aim and the brunet yells earthquake the brunet escapes then its the redheads turn the executioner yells ready aim the redhead yells tornado she escapes too then the blonds goes up she knows what the other 2 did the executioner yells ready aim and the blonde yells fire...... think about it and kickass if you get it

There is a blond a brenet and a red head they all go hunting and the first one that goes hunting is the brenet so she goes and comes back with a rabbit and the others ask "how did you do that?!" and she said I found tracks followed tracks and got the rabbit so the redhead says "let me see that!" she goes and she comes and the blond says "how did you do that?!" and she says found track followed tracks got the rabbit so the blond takes the gun and goes and comes back with no gun no rabbit with a broken arm eye ball poping out and they ask her what happened and she said found tracks got hit by a train

Q: How do you keep a blonde busy for 7 hours? A: Give her a piece of paper that has the words "Turn Over" on both sides.

One day, a blonde goes into a store. She gets an item and walks up to the cashier. She says,"I'd like to buy this TV". He says,"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes". The next day, she dyes her hair red and goes back in the store, but the same thing happens. Finally, she shaves her head and goes back in. When she tries to buy it for the third time, the man refuses. She says, "How the hell do you know I'm blonde?". He replied, "First of all, that's a microwave."

What do you call a blonde that can suck a golf ball through a garden hose? "Darling."

How many blondes does it take to play tag? One.

Three blondes were walking in the forest one day. They saw a set of tracks and started arguing over what kind of tracks they were. The first blonde said, “I think they’re deer tracks!” The second blonde said, “I think they’re dog tracks!” The third blonde said, “Well, I think they’re cow tracks!” They were still arguing when the train hit them.

After chatting up this fit blonde in the club last night, I pulled out my phone.. “Do you think I could have your number?” I asked. “Well, maybe.” She replied. “But it’d be a hell of a coincidence.”

A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!” “How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her. “I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!” Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?” “It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde. The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."

Two blondes find a mirror on the sidewalk. The first blonde picks it up, looks into it and says, "Hey, I know this person! I've seen her somewhere before." The second blonde takes the mirror, looks into it and says, "Duh! Of course you have -- that's me!"