Jokes

A blonde mechanic told one of his customers " I couldn't fix your brakes, so I made your horn louder!" Lol

There was a red haired, a blue haired and blonde stuck on an island. The smart red haired guessed that it was 20 kilometres from where they were and to the city. The red haired swam 5 kilometres before getting tired then swam 5 more but was too tired so she drowned. The blue haired swam 10 kilometres before getting tired then 5 more but was too tired so she drowned. The blonde wondered if they made it so she swam 15 kilometres before getting tired then she said " I'm too tired" and swam back.

A young ventriloquist was doing a show. With his dummy on his knee, he started going through his usual dumb blonde jokes, when a blonde in the second row stood on her chair and started shouting: ‘I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes,’ she screamed. ‘What makes you think you can stereotype women in that way? What does the colour of a person’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s people like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as people. It’s all because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general - and all in the name of humour.’ The embarrassed ventriloquist began to apologise, whereupon the blonde yelled, ‘You stay out of this. I’m talking to that little bastard on your lap.’

What do you call ten blondes at the bottom of the pool? Air pockets.

How did the blonde break her arm while raking leaves? She fell out of a tree.

Brunette, Redhead and Blonde entered into a game show. The host explained the rules, “I am going to say jokes for a hour straight and whoever doesn’t laugh at the end receives $5000.00!” The host starts and after 15 minutes the redhead is out. He continues and after 40 minutes the brunette is out. When the clock hits 59 minutes he gives up on making the blonde laugh. All of a sudden the blonde starts laughing, “Why are you cracking up now, all you had was one more minute to win the prize and I didn’t even tell a joke now?” He asks. She replies, “I know, but I just got the first joke!”

A redhead says to her blonde stepsister, I slept with a Brazilian. The blonde replies,Oh my God!You slut! How many is a Brazilian?

Anant walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00 He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. "Can I help you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the Anant. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs. "I am." The Anant replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."

What do you give the blonde that has everything? Penicillin.

A blonde calls her mom... Blonde: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!" Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?" Blonde: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."

What do you call a blonde with pig tails? A blowjob with handlebars.

How to confuse a blonde: draw a circle on the ground and tell them to find the corner.

what's the difference between a blond girl and a brick wall? the brick wall only gets laid once

A cop pulls over a blonde for speeding. The cop gets out of his car and asks the blonde for her license. "You cops should get it together. One day you take away my license, and the next day you ask me to show it."

A blonde was driving home after work, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to just go home and blow into the tailpipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe.Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get the dents to pop out. Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, "HELLLLOOOO!!! You need to roll up the windows."

A Blonde's nursery rhyme: One two lets screw, Three four I'm a whore, Five six suck the dick, Seven eight ejaculate, Nine ten f*ck me again.

A blonde walks into a hospital and says doctor I have pain all over my body. When I press my knee it hurts when I press my arm it hurts, anywhere I press I'm in pain. The doctor says you have hurt your finger and walks off

Me: how many blondes did it take to screw in a lightbulb? Friend: how many? Me: 1001, 1 to hold the lightbulb in, and the rest turn the house

A blonde calls a pharmacy to ask if she needs an infant scale to weigh a baby. The clerk explains that many mothers figure out an infant's weight by weighing themselves while holding the baby on an adult scale and then subtracting their own weight. "Oh, that won't work," replies the blonde. "I'm not the mother -- I'm the aunt."

How do you entertain a blonde? tell her to find a corner in a circle room

Did you hear about the blonde couple who were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? They went to see "Closed for the Winter."

There's a blond and a brunette in a car. The brunette is driving while the blonde is in the passenger seat. They're going down a steep hill when the brunette realizes that the brakes don't work. The brunette tells the blonde that the brakes don't work and they will drive off the side of the cliff because they failed to stop. The blonde then replies, "Don't worry! There's a stop sign ahead."

Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911? A: Because she couldn't find the 11

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that blonde’s are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy. So the lawyer asks if the blonde would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun.  I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me only $5.  Then you ask me one, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500, he says. This catches the blonde’s attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, she agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question.  ‘What’s the distance from the Earth to the Moon?’ The blonde doesn’t say a word, but reaches into her pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. Now it’s the blonde’s turn.  She asks the lawyer, ‘What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?’ The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he can find on the Net. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail.  After an hour of searching, he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $500.  The blonde pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep. The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer.  He wakes the blonde up and asks, ‘Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?’ The blonde reaches into her pocket, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

Did you hear what happened to the blonde ice hockey team? They drowned in spring training.

There was 3 women in the desert a redneck, brunette, and a blonde. They found a genie and he granted 1 wish to each one of them. The redneck wished for a fan so she wouldn't be hot. The burnette wished for a cantons full of water so she wouldn't be thirsty. The blonde wished for a car door so she could tool down the window when it got hot.

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall. She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For best results, put on two coats".

A blonde was walking down the street, carrying a brown paper bag. She ran into one of her friends. Her friend asked, "Hey! What do you have in the bag?" She tells her friend that she has some fish in the bag. The friend says, "Fish! Well, I'll make you a bet.If I can guess how many fish you have in the bag, you'll have to give me one." The blonde says, "I'll tell you what. If you tell me how many fish I have in this bag, I'll give you both of them."

why do blonde girls have bruises around their belly button cuz blonde guys aren't that smart either

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your Note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons of milk. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath". The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs."