Jokes

Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?  A: Humpme Dumpme.

A blonde walks into a library and says, "Can I have a burger and fries?" The librarian says, "I'm sorry, this is a library." So the blonde whispers, "Oh sorry! can I have a diet coke then?"

What is a blonde's favorite color? Glitter.

Q: How do you recognize a blonde's tricycle? A: It's the one with the kickstand.

What's the difference between a UFO and a smart blonde? THERE HAVE BEEN UFO SIGHTINGS

Q: How can you tell a blonde is having a bad day? A: She can't find her pencil and her tampon is behind her ear.

A blonde was recently fired from an M&M factory for throwing away Ws and peeling the shells off the candies. Therefore, she needed a new job to support herself. After going around town asking if anyone needed work done, she found a man who needed a painter. "I'm here for the paint job," she said. "Alright," said the man. "Here is the paint and your brush. I want you to paint my porch behind the house." The blonde immediately went to work painting. Within an hour, she was done and decided to put on a second coat. After she finished, she returned to the man for her pay. She said with satisfaction, "I not only completed the job, but I even put on two coats of paint! By the way, that isn't a Porsche out back. It's a new BMW.

How do you keep a blonde occupied for a few hours? Tell her to count the stairs on the escalator.

Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine? A: "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"

Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day a gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and he immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: "Sir, did you call for me?" Bob replies "No, what do you mean?" She says: "You must be new here; let me explain. It's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me." Smiling, she then leads him to the side of the pool, lays down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her. Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts. Within a few moments a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him. The Huge Man says: "Sir, did you call for me?" Bob replies "No, what do you mean?" "You must be new here, it is a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me." The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him over the bench and has his way with him. Bob rushes back to the colony office. He is greeted by the smiling naked receptionist: "May I help you?" Bob says: "Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500 joining fee." "But Sir, you've only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of our facilities..." Bob replies: "Listen lady, I am 58 years old, I get a hard-on about once a month, but I fart 15 times a day. No thanks!"

Q: Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and seven on a calculator? A: She couldn't find the 10 key.

6. Both are made out of plastic. 5. Both are full of hot air. 4. Both are frequently passed from man to man. 3. Both have been known to score. 2. Both are often handled by hot, sweaty guys on television. 1. Women aren't especially fond of them.

this guy goes over to his friends house and he takes his girlfriend with him so his friend can meet her. Two weeks later they see each other and the guy was with a new girl so the other guy walks up and says hey man i see you got a new girl what happen to that blonde she was a b*tch the girl says I dyed my hair

A blonde and brunette and a red head are stuck out in the middle of a desert with no city or town in site. The Brunette says "Well, I guess I will try and find up some food and water" The Red Head says "I guess I will build a shelter for us to live in for a bit. Then the Blonde says "I will take the car doors off so we can role down the windows when it gets hot"

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to mate with their cows to increase their herd. The brunette takes their life savings of $600 dollars and goes to Texas to buy a bull. She eventually meets with an old cowboy that will sell her a bull. “It’s the only one I got for $599, take it or leave it.” She buys the bull and goes to the local telegram office and says, “I’d like to send a telegram to my friend in Louisiana that says: Have found the stud bull for our ranch, bring the trailer.” The man behind the counter tells her, “Telegrams to anywhere in the U.S. are $.75 per word.” She thinks about it for a moment and decides. “I’d like to send one word, please.” “And what word would that be?” inquires the man. “Comfortable.” replies the brunette. The man asks, “I’m sorry miss, but how is your friend gonna understand this telegram?” The brunette replies, “My friend is blonde and reads real slow, when she gets this, she will see COM-FOR-DA-BULL.”

Chuck Norris stuffs lockers into bullies!

Blonde and Anant goes for a walk. Attractive lady crossing by says "Hi' Anant" Blonde: who is she ? Anant: Don't trouble me more. I am already worried. She will ask me same thing tomorrow !!!

A blonde and a brunette are watching a TV show. The brunette bets the blonde $10 that the man in the episode would jump off a bridge. The man jumps off the bridge and blonde pays the the brunette $10. The brunette feels guilty because she had already seen the episode, so she confesses to the blonde. The blonde says, "I've seen it too, but I didn't think he would jump again."

Q: What do you call a blonde who eats too much? A: Fat.

Q. What is the definition of gross ignorance? A. 144 blondes.

Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on? A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.

What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? Introduces themself.

Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours? A: Because the can said "concentrate" on it.

Q: What did the blonde do when she learned that 90% of all crimes occur around the home? A: She moved.

Two little boys, one blond, one with brown hair, were arguing over whose father could beat the other’ up. The brown-haired kid said, “My father is way better than yours.” The blond came back, “Maybe, but my mother is better than yours.” “That’s what my father says.”

A blonde heard that accidents happen close to home so she moved!

so one day a black guy breaks into a blondes house and she says shadow when did you come to life?

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don"t know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son... "Go get your Mother."

What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common? "You keep hearing about them, but never see any."

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead go on holiday to a tropical island. The brunette takes a beach umbrella, the redhead takes a crate of suntan oil, and the blonde takes a car door. ‘What are you doing with a car door?’ asks the redhead. The blonde replies, ‘If it gets too hot, we can roll the window down.’