Jokes

Why did the blond speed on the highway? Because she thought the cars behind her where chasing her!!!!

You Know you are Addicted to the Internet When...  · You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved, and you don't have a clue when it happened.  · Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.  · All of your friends have an @ in their names.  · Your dog has its own home page.  · You can't call your mother... she doesn't have a modem.  · You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.  · You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.  · You get a new suit that says, "This best viewed with Netscape 4.01 or higher."  · The last girl you asked out was only a jpeg.  · Your wife says communication is important in a marriage... so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat. 

Q: How are blondes and beer bottles the same? A: They're both empty from the neck up!

What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? ‘Oh look! Doughnut seeds!’

A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman, “I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen.” The surprised salesman replies, “But, madam, computers do not have curtains.” And the blonde said, “Helloooo…. I’ve got Windows!”

A blonde is swimming in a river. A man walks up and asks her, "What are you doing in there?" She says, "I'm washing my clothes." The man asks, "Why don't you use a washing machine?" The blonde says, "I tried that, but it was too dizzy.

Did you hear about that blonde who ran into that biulding you would of thought she'd seen it.

A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys. The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the other father!?"

An office exec was interviewing a blonde for an assistant position, and wanted to find out a little about her personality. "If you could have a conversation with anyone, alive or dead, who would it be?" "I'd have to say the living one."

What does a Blonde say after multiple orgasms? Way to go team!

There are three moms. A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde. They were all talking one day and the brunette says "Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed. I cannot believe she smokes weed" They comfort her, and the redhead says "Yeah, well I found a fake I. D. In my daughter's purse. I cannot believe she has one". So they all comfort her. Then the blonde says "That's nothing. I found a condom in my daughter's purse. I just cannot believe she has a penis"

Q: What did the blonde do when she couldn't afford a personalized license plate? A: She changed her name to JKM345.

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are stranded in the desert. A genie appears and gives each of them one wish. The redhead says " I wish I could fly" and flys away. The brunette says "I wish I was home" and teleports home. The blonde steps up, sighs, and says " I wish my friends were back.

A blonde was trying to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had almost 230,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, “There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it’s not legal.” “That doesn’t matter,” replied the blonde, “if I can only sell the car.” “Okay,” said the brunette. “Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will ‘fix it’. Then you shouldn’t have a problem anymore trying to sell your car.” The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, “Did you sell your car?” “No,” replied the blonde, “Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!”

What are 10 blonde's standing ear to ear. A wind tunnel.

Why does a blonde put perfume on her ankles? Because it ends up behind her ears anyway!

A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde were asked where they would like to go. The brunette said she would like to go to Mars. The redhead said she would like to go to Venus. The blonde said she would like to go to the Sun. "But you would burn up", said the brunette. "Well, I would go at night. Duh", said the blonde.

A married couple go to a restaurant. A blonde waitress takes their order and returns several minutes later, carrying a plate with only a plain hamburger bun on it. The man asks, "Where's the burger?" The waitress lifts her arm and pulls out a burger from her armpit. "I was keeping it warm," she replies. The wife says, "Please cancel my hot dog order."

Blonde tells Dr Anant "don't you think that you males are the root of problems ? Anant - ?????? Blonde continued - menorrhagia, menarche, dysmenorrhoea, amenorrhoea! !! All have one thing in common MEN. Is there end to it??? Anant replying with smile - After 40 you get a phase when men won't disturb you, when men-o-pause will come!!!

One day two blondes walk into a perfume shop. The one blonde picks up a bottle of perfume that is titled "Viens Chez Moi." The blonde asks the manager what it means, and the manager says it means, "Come to Me." So the blonde smells the perfume and asks her friend, "Does this smell like come to you? Because it doesn't smell like come to me."

Three blonde men are on one side of a wide river and don't know how to get across. The first man prays to God to make him smart enough to figure out how to cross the river, so God turns him into a brown-haired man and he swims across. The second man prays to God to make him even smarter, so God turns him into a dark-haired man and he builds a boat and rows across. Then the third man prays to God to make him the smartest of all, so God turns him into a woman and she walks across the bridge.

A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling, "You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"

A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on his lap. He’s telling a dumb blonde joke when a young platinum-haired beauty jumps to her feet. “What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?” she demands. “What does hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?” Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer out an apology. “You keep out of this!” she yells. “I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”

What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have? One that never misses a period.

Q: How do you know if a blonde sent you a fax? A: There's a stamp on it.

Anant goes into confessional, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven." Anant said, "Last night my girlfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times." The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice." Anant asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?" The Priest said "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face."

Q: Why do blondes have "TGIF" written on their shoes? A: To remind them Toes Go In First.

Why did the blond girl have a bruised belly button? Because her husband was a blond too!

*takes 50 selfies* *deletes 49* *stares at that one selfie till it turns ugly* *deletes that too*

There once was a blonde who had always heard about ice fishing, so one day she tried it. She went to an icy area, cut a hole, and started fishing. All of a sudden, she hears a voice. “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" She ignores it and moves to another area, cutting a hole, and beginning to fish again. Again she hears the booming voice. "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!" She is starting to get freaked out now. "Lord? Is that you?" she asks. In reply she hears, "NO, THIS IS THE RINK MANAGER!"