Jokes

Yo mama is so hairy, Kingkong got jealous.

What do frogs do with paper? Rip-it!

It's always a gamble, picking up a dog, because I'm never sure where they bend. It's never the same. Where do dogs bend? They're like rigid little furry tables. You got to go in like a fork lift and just take a chance. Once you're up in the air, you never know when is going to yield into that lowercase 'c' shape, with the a**hole right on your arm.

"Waiter, what is this hare doing in my salad?" "I believe he's eating your lettuce."

How did the blonde try to kill the bird?? She threw it off a cliff.

Q: What has more lives than a cat? A: A frog because it croaks every night.

Q: What does a cheetah say when someone looks at it? A: "I've been spotted!"

How did the skunk call home? On his smell-ular phone!

A little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrel were chattering and playing around when up comes a fox. The girl squirrel dashed up a tree, but the boy squirrel stayed on the ground. “That’s strange,” said the fox. “Usually squirrels are afraid of me and run to the nearest tree.” “Listen, bud,” replied the boy squirrel. “Did you ever try to climb a tree when you were in the process of making love?”

Q: What is a black cat's favorite color? A: Purrrrrr-ple!

Q: What Does Legolas feed his horse? A: Elf-elf-a

Why did the turtle Cross the road? To get to the ''Shell'' station!

What is a cat’s favourite car? A purrrrrgeot.

Why are rabbits never gold? How would you tell them apart from goldfish?

Q: Why don't Batman and Robin go fishing? A: Because Robin eats all the worms.

Q: What did one flea say to the other flea? A: "Shall we walk or take a dog?"

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the edge of their pool and throw them fish?

How far can a rabbit run into the woods? Halfway. After that she's running out of the woods.

The petting zoo's a great place to go if you want to discard your child's clothing in a goat's stomach.

You momma so stupid I see her walking the pigs down the street I'd asked "What she doing?" And she said "Going piggy back riding"!

A Bosnian catches a goldfish. The goldfish says: "Let me go and I will grant you one wish." The Bosnian says: "No way, I'll take you to the pawn shop - gold is gold."

Where do rabbits settle their legal disputes? In a pellet court!

Q: Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? A: Because then they'd be bagels.

A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don't even own bikes...

A farmer buys a rooster to service his 200 hens. When he gets the rooster into the barnyard, he tells him, "Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Have fun, but take your time." The farmer points him toward the henhouse and the rooster takes off like a shot. WHAM! Randy nails every hen in the henhouse, three or four times. Randy runs out and sees a flock of geese down by the lake. WHAM! He nails all the geese. Randy runs to the pigpen, the cow pasture -- soon, he's been on every animal on the farm. The farmer is distraught, worried that his expensive rooster won't even last the day. Sure enough, the farmer wakes up the next morning to find Randy laid out flat in the middle of the yard, buzzards circling overhead. The sad farmer shakes his head and says, "Oh, Randy, I told you to pace yourself." Randy opens one eye, winks, and nods towards the sky, "Shhh, they're getting closer."

When a bull wants to listen to a cassette, what does he put on his head? Steer phones.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? A: He heard the ref was blowing fowls.

Q: Whats the difference between a politician and a snail? A: One is slimy, a pest, and leaves a trail everywhere and the other is a snail.

A baby snake asked it's mom, "Mommy are we poisonous?" The mother snake responded, "Yes honey, but why do you want to know?" The baby snake responded, "Because I just bit myself..."

What do you call a rabbit who is real cool? A hip hopper.