Jokes

What do you call someone who sticks his right hand in shark's mouths? Lefty.

Q: What is the pink stuff between elephant’s toes? A: Slow clowns.

Name an animal that lives in Lapland? A reindeer Good, now name another. Another reindeer!

A Girl was towelling her wet pussy. She enjoyed it so much that she began to rub it vigorously until... ...the pussy cried "Meow" and runs away. Moral Lessons 1. Be kind to Animals 2. Always keep your thoughts clean...

Q: What show do cows love to watch while they're eating? A: Graze Anatomy.

Q: What do you get if you cross a horse with a bee? A: Neigh buzz

  Two cows were talking in the field. One cow says, “Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that’s going around?” The other cow answers, “Yeah, makes you glad you’re a penguin, doesn’t it?” ------ Two cows are standing in a field. One turns to the other and says, “Moo.” The other one says “I was just about to say that!” ------    

"I can't decide whether to buy a bicycle or a cow for my farm." "Well, wouldn't you look silly riding a cow?" "I d look a darn sight sillier trying to milk a bicycle!"

I thought you'd be flattered that my dog found your leg so attractive.

Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging? A: Take away his credit card.

There's a pigeon walking up the driveway. I don't care what he wants. I'm not answering the door.

Q: What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom? A: "Odor in the court!"

Why is it difficult to identify horses from the back? They re always switching their tails.

Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? Penis envy.

Q: What do you call a guy with his hand up a Camel's arse? A: An Arab mechanic.

Imagine being completely naked in room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you... This is life of a dog.

In the 1800's, rednecks learned how to use goat intestines as condoms. later in the 1900's, other people learned the same thing, but took the intestines OUT of the goat first!

What did the cat say to the mouse? "The human telling this joke is attempting to anthropomorphise us!"

In India, cows wait until Chuck Norris crosses the street.

God created the mule, and told him, "You will be a mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back.  You will eat grass and lack intelligence.  You will live for 50 years."

Two lawyers walking through the woods attracted the attention of a vicious-looking bear. The bear noticed them, and started to walk toward them. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulling out a pair of sneakers, and started putting them on. The second lawyer looked at him and said: "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!" "Oh, I know that. Bears are much faster than humans. I have no hope of ever being able to outrun a bear." "If you know that, why are you changing shoes?" "Well, the way I figure it," the first lawyer replied, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you."

What do you get if you cross a longhorn with a knight? Sir Loin.

Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine? He fell in love with a pincushion!

Why did the pig have ink all over his face? Because it came out of the pen.

A gorilla was walking through the jungle when he came across a deer eating grass in a clearing. The gorilla roared, "Who is the king of the jungle?" and the deer replied, "Oh, you are, Master." The gorilla walked off pleased. Soon he came across a zebra drinking at a water hole. The gorilla roared, "Who is the king of the jungle?" The zebra replied, "Oh, you are, Master." The gorilla walked off pleased. Then he came across an elephant. "Who is the king of the jungle?" he roared. With that, the elephant threw the gorilla across a tree and jumped on him. The gorilla scraped himself up off the ground and said, "Okay, okay, there’s no need to get mad just because you don’t know the answer."

So I hear you like snakes...I have one its called a "trouser snake"

A sign at Budapest’s Zoo requests: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY

A dog in Seattle is making news after commuters noticed it had been riding the bus to a local park all by itself. Everyone says the dog is amazing, while the dog said, panicking, “I gotta find that blind guy. I’m in a lot of trouble if I don’t find him.”

What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? Dam.

What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.