Jokes

Life is very short... Literally, it's only four letters long.

"Did you hear the Pillsbury Doughboy got charged with a crime?" "No way! What are the charges?" "Intent with a breadly weapon!"

Caller: Is this Mr. or Mrs. Wall? Me: I'm sorry there are no Walls here. Caller: Well, if there aren't any walls there, how does the roof stay up?

Older people say, "Age is just a number." That's not true. Age is just a word.

I used to think I was cheesy... But now I know I'm really grate!

Fric: I was going to dance down a spiral staircase for your birthday, but I decided not to. Frac: Why not? Fric: Because I am a Fred Astaires.

I had a wooden whistle; it wooden whistle. I bought a lead whistle; they wooden lead me whistle. I got a steel whistle; it steel wooden whistle. They gave me a tin whistle; NOW I tin whistle!

I wrote a song about a tortilla. However, I changed my mind. Now it's a wrap.

Q: What do you call a belt made of wrist watches? A: A waist of time!

Sign In Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea!"

What did the right eye say to the left one? Something smells between us!

Pig 1: Why don't we ask him to sit with us? Pig 2: No way, he is quite the Boar!

They told me I had type A blood, but turns out it was a type-O.

A beer is like the sun... It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist!

What word starts with E, ends with E, and has only one letter in it? Envelope.

If you need a shoulder to cry on... Just pull off on the side of the road!

A homeowner phones a plumber, "Can you come over and fix my kitchen sink again?" The plumber replied, "You know I'm always at your disposal."

What's Forrest Gump's computer password? 1Forrest1

Teacher: "What do you get when a waiter trips?" Student: "Flying Saucers!"

Q: What is in the middle of nowhere? A: The letter H.

Why can't pirates say the alphabet? Because they always get lost at "C".

What blood type does an optimist have? B positive.

Last night I dreamt I was a muffler... I woke up exhausted!

What did the fish say on seeing the wall? Dam!

Why do accountants make good lovers? They're great with figures.

During the American Revolution...what did you call a scared and frightened militiaman fleeing down the same road as a British Loyalist? Chicken catch a Tory!

Did you hear about the guy who stayed up all night wondering where the sun was setting? It finally dawned on him!

I avoid clichés like the plague.

Two bunnies are running from a fox. They hide behind a bale of hay one turns to the other and says, "Should we keep running, or stay here and out number the fox?"

Don't just tell me I'm burning the candle at both ends -- tell me where to get more wax!!