Jokes

The place where I work decided to provide company-paid cell phones to the "suits" upstairs. After negotiating a deal with a cell phone company, we arranged for the phones to be sent to the homes of the various VIP's. The day after delivery, I received a call from a partner screaming about how his cell phone didn't work. He said he charged it overnight just like the sheet said, but in the morning, it wouldn't power up. I asked EXACTLY what he did with the phone when he got it. "I took it out, plugged the charger into the wall and into the phone." "Did you put the battery in the phone?" "Not the extra one." "Sir, the phone only came with one battery." (Pause) "Oh, I think I figured out what's wrong with it."

A man once drove his car into a river and I watched it turn into a mobile phone... One minute, a Kia! Next minute, Nokia!

Almost every person is talking about getting an iPhone 7. I am the very first person to get an iPhone 8. It's true, I have an iPhone 8! Only problem is I used up all my data just downloading all the apps I needed.

I turned on the navigation device in the car and it began to flirt with me! Just then I realized I'd hit the wrong button and was listing to an audio book romance novel belonging to my wife.

It might be my imagination but I could have sworn my GPS navigation device said, "Not that left dummy, you're other left!" Is anyone else having this problem?

A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small, deserted island one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands pulled out the message. "Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."

Most people will say, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." An engineer will say, "If it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."

"What is the difference between a mechanical and civil engineer?" asked the incoming college freshman. The professor replied, "Mechanical engineers design weapons and civil engineers design targets."

This was a recent conversation that I had with my girlfriend’s father, who knows I do web design. Father: I have a business idea. How hard is it to make a Facebook? Me: Oh, that's simple, not hard at all. Girlfriend: No, he doesn’t mean to make a Facebook profile. He means to redo ALL of Facebook. Me: Oh. In that case, that's very hard. Father: Oh, okay. (Pause) What are we talking then, maybe just 3 to 5 hours?

What did one computer say to the other? 0101010101010101010101

Did you hear about the Andeluvian that wore out her DVD player re-winding them?

What do you call a group of security guards in front of a Samsung store? Guardians of the Galaxy.

It used to be cool to have a Gold tooth, now its a cheap Bluetooth!!!

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password? Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was? Customer: Five stars.

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define 'great' he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

Young Susie was having trouble with her computer so she called Wes, the computer guy, over to her desk. Wes clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away Susie called after him, "So, what was wrong?" And he replied, "It was an 'ID ten T' error." A puzzled expression ran riot over Susie's face. " 'An ID ten T' error? What's that, in case I need to fix it again?" He gave her a grin. "Haven't you ever seen an 'ID ten T' error before?" Susie replied, "No." "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out." . . . . . . . . . . I D 1 0 T .

MAN: I Have Facebook, BBM, KIK, Imo, Twitter, Google Plus, Yahoo, Tumblr, Msn, Skype, Snapchat, Instagram and G-Talk FRIEND: Buddy, do you have a life? AKPOS: OMG! No I don't! Send me the link to download it.

5.25 inch floppy disks were fragile. They had to be stored in paper sleeves, could not be bent, and they could be damaged by a single touch 3.5 inch floppy disks held 1.44 megabytes of data. That's enough for maybe two or three standard Microsoft Word documents with no images. That's enough for maybe a minute of MP3 quality music. Before internet use was common, the most frequent way that computer viruses spread was through floppy disks. It was a risk to take your data to another person's computer.

You said everything would be back to normal after June! Ju-Lyed!

A mother firefly was taking her children for a walk near dusk, and they came to a dark woods. "All right, kids," she ordered, "line up, and whatever happens, don't shine your light. There are owls in the forest and they might fly down and eat you!" The small fireflies did as they were told, with the youngest firefly at the end of the line. As they were moving carefully along, suddenly the mother saw a light far back. "Stop!" she whispered. "Who lit the light back there?" "I did," admitted the youngster. "You heard what I told you," scolded the mother. "Why did you disobey?" "Well," said the little one, "when you gotta glow, you gotta glow."

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

I’ve been saying “mucho” to my Spanish friend a lot more often lately. It means a lot to him.

Melvin: I’d like to be an organ donor. Doctor: And which organ do you wish to donate? Melvin: The one that’s been in by basement for ten years. No one’s used it for the past six years.

The patient demanded, "Doc, I just must have a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a cornea transplant, a lung transplant, and a heart transplant." "WHAT?" yelled the doctor. "Tell me, exactly why you think you need all these transplants?" "Well," explained the patient, "my boss told me that I needed to get reorganized."

"I stand corrected!" ... Said the man in the orthopedic shoes.

John: There were eight morons: do, re, fa, so, la, ti, and do. Mark: Hey, what happened to ‘mi’? John: Sorry, I forgot about you.

A man arrives at a costume party with a girl on his back. “I am a turtle,” he says. “Who’s on your back?” “That’s Michelle.”

Did you know that 97% of the world is dumb? Luckily I’m in the other 5%!

What do you use to catch a computer mouse? Click bait.

"Dad, can I unplug your phone? It's almost full and mine is dying!" "No, you'll have to go to Rhode Island." "What?" "For a new port."