Jokes

The coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, "Do you understand what co-operation is? What a team is?" "Yes, coach", replied the boy. "Do you understand that what matters is we win or lose as a team?" The boy nodded in agreement. The coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him insulting names. Do you understand all that?" Again, the boy nodded yes. The coach continued, "And when I take you out of the game so that another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach dumb, or stupid, or worse, is it?" "No, coach." "Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your Grandmother."

San Francisco ballet just announced that Draymond Green of the Golden State Warriors will be appearing in their upcoming production of The Nutcracker.

The wife was telling me I need more exercise. I told her, "Well, I'll take up sports then." She laughed and said, "Why don't you just order the sports channel on cable? Shaking your fist at the TV and yelling at the games is more exercise than you'll get actually playing them."

Why doesn't Lebron James like Indian food? Because it has "Curry" in it.

Why did the ceiling fan go to the boxing match? For the blow-by-blow action.

The basketball coach stormed into the university president's office and demanded a raise right then and there. "Please," protested the college president, "you already make more than the entire History Department." "Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put up with," the coach blustered. "Look." He went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging down the hallway. "Run over to my office and see if I'm there," he ordered. Twenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath. "You're not there, sir," he reported. "Oh, I see what you mean," conceded the president, scratching his head. "I would have phoned."

At one point during a baseball game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative. "Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes. "So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded. "Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain it to your mother."

What does the acronym NASCAR stand for? Non-Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks.

Q: How does Mike Tyson differ from Metallica? A: Metallica leaves a ringing in your ears. Mike Tyson leaves your ear in a ring.

We all know that the Super Bowl is the football game with the AFC champion playing the NFC champion. There should be a Toilet Bowl where the worst team in each conference plays each other, where the winning team gets the first round draft pick and/or a plunger shaped trophy.

You can win a lot of money by betting people that you know the score of Super Bowl 50 (or any other sports game that has a score in it) before it happens. You guys/gals can place the bet. Then you say: "The score of Super Bowl 50 (or any other sports game that has a score in it) is 0-0 BEFORE IT HAPPENS!!!"

Why did Cinderella get kicked off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball....

What did the smurf get in karate? A blue belt!

Q: What was the sick boys favorite sport? A: Hurling.

Q: What do you have if you hold 13 tennis balls in one hand and 15 tennis balls in the other hand? A: REALLY big hands!

Once a foolish teen wanted to play Cricket with the local boys. They allowed him, and when it was his turn to bat the Wicket Keeper said, "You're holding the bat the wrong way". The teen said that he knew. With the first ball he was out and the umpire raised his finger. The teen waved his own finger. The umpire said "You're out!". The teen replied "No I am not!". The umpire said "Look one wicket has fallen down". The teen said, "So what there are two more to go".

Earl and Bob, both obsessed with baseball, never missed their favorite team’s game. They made a promise to each other, whoever died first, and went to heaven, would come back to earth and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven. One day, Earl died. Bob waited for him to come back. Finally, Earl did. He said to Bob. "I have good news and bad news. I'll tell you the good news first. There is baseball in heaven." Bob said, "That’s the best news!" Then Earl said, time for the bad news....”You're pitching tomorrow night."

Why shouldn't you date a tennis player?................Because love means nothing to them.

4 baseball fans want to show their teams that they're each the biggest fans in the world, so they decide to climb the biggest mountain they can find.The first one to the top is a Braves fan, and he says, "I'm the biggest fan in the world! This is for you Braves!" and he jumps off.The second one to the top is a Mets fan and he says, "I love you more than anything Mets, this is for you!" and he jumps off.The last 2 people who get to the top get there at the same time. One is a Red Sox fan and one is a Yankee fan. When they're both standing at the top together, the Red Sox fan says, "This one is for all baseball fans everywhere!" And the Red Sox fan pushes the Yankee fan off.

A guy goes to the Doctor and says I've got a cricket ball stuck up my bum ! The Doctor says "How's That" The guy says don't you start !

A football fan is a guy who’ll yell at the quarterback for not spotting an open receiver forty-five yards down the field... ... And then head for the parking lot and not be able to find his own car!

Larry took Barb, his girlfriend, to her first football game. Afterwards, he asked her how she liked the game. “I liked it, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other for twenty-five cents,” she asked. “What do you mean?” “Well, everyone kept yelling, ‘Get the quarter back!’”

The pro-football team had just finished its daily practice when a large turkey strutted onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and requested a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, “Your are terrific! Sign up for the season, and I’ll see to it that you get a huge signing bonus.” “Forget the bonus,” the turkey said. “All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?”

It was only her second date with a diehard baseball fan, and Sally was a little nervous. It was her fault they arrived at the ballpark a full hour after the game had started. Taking her seat, Sally glanced up at the scoreboard. It was a tight pitcher’s battle, bottom of the fifth, 0-0. “Look, John,” she exclaimed with relief, “we haven’t missed a thing.”

“Look, Charlie,” the coach said, “you know the principles of good sportsmanship. You know the Little League doesn’t allow temper tantrums, shouting at the umpire, or abusive language.” “Yes sir, I understand.” “Good, Charlie. Now, would you explain that to your father?”

Old Bubba was fishing along the Bayou for catfish one day when he spots a water moccasin slithering across the water with a toad in its mouth. Being a longtime fisherman, he knows the best bait for large catfish are toads. In a flash, Bubba grabs the snake from behind and carefully removes the toad from its mouth and puts the toad in his side bag. Fearing the angry snake would bite him; Bubba grabs his bottle of daddy's moonshine from his pocket and carefully pours 2 drops into the snake's mouth. The snake's eyes glaze over and quickly go limp. Bubba carefully places the snake back in the water. A few hours later, Bubba is just about to head back home, when he feels something tapping on his leg. He looks down and is amazed to see the same water moccasin with 2 frogs in its mouth.

Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.

After removing a tiny fish from his hook and throwing it back into the water, the fisherman said: “Don’t show up around here anymore without your parents!”

A beginner rider at the stables was trying to saddle a horse. “Excuse me,” said the old hand, “but you are putting that saddle on backwards.” “How do you know?” snapped the student. “You do not know which way I’m going.”

Tim asked Bob “What happened to your uncle’s boat?” “Ever notice that big rock at the entrance to the Golden Gate?” said Bob. “Yes, I have” replied Tim. “Well, he didn’t” said Bob.