Jokes

What travel 100 miles per hour underground? “A mole on a motorbike.”

Why did the owl make everyone laugh? “Cause he was a hoot!

Ah! Yes, love is blind, and marriage is and eye opener!

Q: What do you call a fancy event in the desert? A: A cac-ti affair.

Q: If you have 4 apples and 3 oranges in one hand, and 3 apples and 4 oranges in the other, what do you have? A: Very large hands!!

I always wanted to be somebody, but I guess I should have been more specific.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up.

A young man walks up to a beautiful young lady in the mall and asks, "Didn't I see you at the Cocktail Lounge last week?" The young lady looks at him. "Yes... and that's why I don't go there anymore!" she replied as she walked away.

Are you a beaver? Because, DAM!

I am sweet, lovable, kind, shy... Oh, for heavens sake, STOP LAUGHING!!!

The person sitting next to me on a flight was a woman. Ever the charmer, I used one of my pick-up lines on her. I asked, “Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to good-looking men?” “Yes,” she replied, “but I wasn’t willing to pay.”

Guy: Do you wanna hang out this Friday? Girl: Sorry, but I am getting married this Friday! Guy: Wow, well congratulations! Then how about this Saturday?

"Are you single?" "No, I'm plural." "I mean are you free this Saturday?" "No, I'm rather expensive."

A guy in a bar, trying a new pick-up line, says to a girl, "Do you like raisins?" She says, "No, sorry." He then says, "Do you like nuts?" She says, "No, sorry." Finally he says, "How about a date?"

A bodybuilder picks up a woman at a bar and takes her home with him. He takes off his shirt and the woman says "What a great chest you have." The bodybuilder tells her "That's 1000 lbs. of dynamite." He takes off his pants and the woman says "What massive calves you have", the bodybuilder tells her "That's 1000 lbs. of dynamite". He then takes off his underwear and the woman goes running and screaming out of the apartment. The bodybuilder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He finally catches up to her and asks her why she ran out of the apartment. The woman replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw what a short fuse you have."

Guy (to a fly lady): Did you crawl out of a B-17 cause you're the bomb.

Guy: Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Girl: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.

Man: Do you know C.P.R? Woman: No why? Man: Because you just took my breath away!

Guy: Excuse me, is your name Gillette? Girl: No, Why? Guy: Because you're the best a man can get!

If I had a rose for every time I thought of you we would be walking through a never-ending garden!

If you had 11 roses in your arms and looked in the mirror; You would see the twelve most gorgeous things in the world.

Man: (to woman) I'd buy you a drink but I'd be jealous of the glass.

Boy: Did you eat Lucky Charms this morning? Girl: No, why? Boy: Cause you're looking magically delicious!

Guy: I hope I don't get a cake on my birthday. Girl: Why? Guy: Because I wouldn't be able to blow the candles out. Girl: Why? Guy: Because you just took my breath away!

Man: He must be so happy! Woman: Who? Man: Your father. Woman: Why? Man: Because he gets to see an angel everyday.

Man: Excuse me Miss are you from Hollywood? Woman: Why? Man: Because you are the only "Star" I see!

Guy: Is you dad still in jail? Girl: For what? Guy: For stealing all the stars in the sky and putting them in your eyes!

Do you have a picture of yourself? So I can show Santa what I want for Christmas!

Guy: Do you have a map? Girl: No, why do you ask? Guy: Because I think I just got lost in your eyes.

Man: Did it hurt? Women: Did what hurt? Man: When you fell from heaven, did it hurt?