Jokes

A wise man once said ...... go ask a woman

Money can't buy happiness but it keeps the kids in touch!

A woman’s work that is never done is the stuff she asks her husband to do.

Confusius say: "Man who run behind car get exhausted, but man who run in front of car get tired."

Marriage is nature’s way of keeping people from fighting with strangers.

Confusius say: "man who run behind car get exhausted"..."man who run in front of car get tired"

Note outside a laundry shop: "Drop your clothes here for best results" !!

Ad outside a store specializing in jeans-wear: "Ladies have fits upstairs".

If you drop a fork, it’s a sign company is coming. If a fork is missing, it’s a sign company is leaving.

After his divorce Mr. Lewis realized that poker isn’t the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with an astounding financial loss.

Cupid’s dart hurts more coming out than going in.

A sharp nose points to curiosity. A flattened nose indicates too much curiosity.

A man is incomplete until he is married… then he is finished.

The cheapest way to have your family tree traced is to run for a public office.

One psychologist greets another on the street: "You're fine, how am I?"

Q: What did one strawberry say to another strawberry? A: If you weren't so fresh, we wouldn't be in this jam!!

A spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

Q: Why do sea gulls fly by the sea? A: Because if they flew by the bay they would be bay gulls!

Q: What sits on the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A: A nervous wreck!

I know it's just a diet, but my body thinks it's famine.

I had plastic surgery last week. My wife cut up my credit cards

A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer

If a man is in the forest, talking to himself, with no woman around is he still wrong?

“Sir, there’s a debt collector in the outer office.” “Tell him he can take that pile on my desk”

“How long will be the next bus be, Officer?” “About eight yards, sir.”

Customer: This loaf is lovely and warm! Baker: So it should be ma’am. The cat’s been sitting on it all morning!

“How should I have played that last shot?” the bad golfer asked his partner. “Under an assumed name.”

They say marriages are made in heaven, “well," so are lightning and thunder!

Poor old Bob sent his photograph off to a Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back saying they weren’t that lonely

When is bad luck to be followed by a black cat? When you’re a mouse!