Jokes
Browse and search jokes.
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Too Biggie
Why couldn't Biggie Smalls get into the club? Because it was Tupac'd.
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Sour Cream Ponderings
Ever wonder why there is an expiration date on sour cream?
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So That's How They Work
Wait, WHAT?!?! You mean to tell me that STRESS BALLS are not for throwing at people that STRESS ME OUT?
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Best Place for Advice
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need EXPERT advice!
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My Advice
Take my advice — I'm not using it.
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Clever Coinage
About all you can get with a nickel these days is heads or tails.
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When Not to Use Lip Gloss
Wouldn't the world be a better place if some people used a GLUE STICK instead of LIP GLOSS?
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Blame the Artist
I hate it when I'm singing a song and THE ARTIST gets the words wrong.
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Keeping Ships Together
I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together... It was riveting.
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Toe-ing the Line
My big toe has no problem finding a piece of furniture in a dark room.
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Second Thoughts
I was going to join the debate team, but somebody talked me out of it.
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Popular Production
I used to be in a band called Missing Cat... you probably saw our posters.
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Sheep Ponderings
Why don't sheep shrink when they get wet?
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Not The Right Direction
Why do dogs bark? Because they bark up the wrong tree.
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Step Behind
Why do people walk backwards? To reverse park.
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Can You Count?
Why do camels have 4 humps? They don't. They only have 2.
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It Runs But It Doesn't Jump
What runs but does not jump? A tap.
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Aged Truths
I am the youngest of three... Both my parents are older.
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Running Around the Bed
Why did the man run around his bed? To catch up on his sleep!
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The Speed of Light
My brain travels at the speed of light... One second it’s here and the next it’s 186,000 miles away.
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The Ocean Roar
Why does the ocean roar? You would roar too if you had crabs on your bottom.
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Cat Food
What do you feed a disappearing cat? Evaporated milk!
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The Mother Squid Who Knew
Before the mother squid gave birth, she said she had an inkling...
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Two Thumbs in the Wrong Media
What has two thumbs, and sometimes tells jokes in the wrong media, rendering them useless? This guy!
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Dead Batteries
The dead batteries were given out... free of charge!
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Technological Teachings
When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.
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You Looked Better Before
Definition of preface: What you looked like before plastic surgery.
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If You Are Always Late
If you are always late, does that make you reliable?
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No Longer A John
I changed my reference to the bathroom from John to Jim... Sounds much more impressive saying I went to the "Jim" this morning.
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Gym Record for Consecutive Days
I didn't make it to the gym today... That makes 1,523 days in a row I didn't go!