Jokes

Did you hear about the absent-minded nurse that made the patient without disturbing the bed?

Immature: a word that boring people use to describe fun people.

Intentionally losing a game of rock, paper, scissors is just as hard as trying to win.

Why does the sun rise in the east? Because it can't rise in the west!

How can you lift an elephant with one hand? Let's be real here, you are never going to find an elephant that has only one hand!

How can a man go eight days without sleeping? Easily, he sleeps at night.

What looks like half an apple? The other half.

What can you never eat for breakfast? Lunch and Dinner.

Every time you clean something... You're just make something else dirty!

What two words contain the most letters? Post office.

What occurs once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in an hour? The letter 'M'.

Q: What kind of rocks are on the bottom of the Mississippi River? A: Wet rocks.

If memory serves me right... Well, it would be the first time.

Question... What is in the middle of nowhere? Answer... The letter 'h'.

What has feet, legs, but nothing else? Pantyhose!

We found answer to the most difficult question ever... which comes first, the chicken or the egg? The answer is.... "O yaar jiska order pehle doge vo aayega!"

How can you identify a blind pirate? He's the one with patches over both eyes.

Why do clowns hold books they read very close to their faces? So their noses are well red!

"Don't give up on your dreams." "Really? You mean it?" "Yeah, just keep sleeping."

You know you're having a bad day when... Your pet rock snaps at you.

Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?

"I'm telling you, nothing is impossible!" "Oh yeah, try slamming a revolving door."

"Is there such a thing as 'unguided' missiles?”

Q: If you are in a dark room with a candle, a wood stove, a match, and a gas lamp which do you light first? A: Why that is easy, the match of course.

How does the ocean say hello? It waves!

All generalizations are false... Including this one.

Every time someone comes up with a foolproof solution, along comes a more-talented fool!

Make something idiot proof, and someone will just make a better idiot!

Several fonts walk into a bar. “Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type here!”

I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift... But I couldn't find a manual.