Jokes

A stage mother cornered the concert violinist in his dressing room and insisted he listen to a tape of her talented son playing the violin. The man agreed to listen, and the woman switched on the tape player. “What music!” the violinist thought. A difficult piece, but played with such genius that it brought tears to his eyes. He listened spellbound to the entire recording. “Madam,” he whispered, "is that your son?” “No," she replied. “That’s Jascha Heifetz. But my son sounds just like him!”

I was asked if I wanted to be an Organ Donor. I told them if you can get it out of my basement it's yours!

What's the difference between a guitar and a fish? You can't tuna fish! 

Paddy was coming back from his holiday in America. As he came through Customs, he had two sacks over his shoulders. The Customs officer asked him what did he have in the sacks. Paddy replied Mobile phones. The customs officer didn't believe him and asked to be shown. Paddy opened each sack and sure enough each contained quite a few phones. "What are you going to do with all these phones?" asked the officer. "Oh, they are not for me. My friend, who is a musical director, knew I was going over to America. He asked me to bring him back a 'couple of saxaphones.'"

Veronica was practicing the piano when suddenly there was a loud pounding on the front door. She opened it and found a breathless cop. "What's the matter?!" she asked. "Where's the body?!" demanded the officer. "What are you talking about?" "We just got a tip that some guy named Mozart was being butchered to pieces in this house."

People are like drums... They make noise when you hit them with sticks.

Did you hear about the drummer who gave his daughters the same names? Anna 1, Anna 2, Anna 3, Anna 4.

How do musicians pay their debts? With quarter notes.

Q: What is the difference between a violin and a viola? A: There is no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the violinist’s head is so much bigger.

Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a trombonist? A: A tattoo.

A guy asks a music store owner what the difference is between a violin and a fiddle. "Well," the store owner replied, "when I buy it it's a fiddle. When I sell it, it's a violin."

Q: What do you get if you play New Age music backwards? A: More New Age music!

What did Justin Timberlake say after he was sunburned? "Can't Stop the Peelin'!"

Q: What is a soprano's favorite drink growing up? A: High-C!

NEWS BROADCASTER: Today in London, British Rockers Pete Townsend and Rodger Daltry, of the band The Who, broke into a Veterinary Hospital. It it reported they set free all the Rottweilers and Pitt Bulls. Police in Scotland Yard stated, "They now know that 'The Who' let the dogs out!"

A father was buying bass lessons for his son. After the 1st week the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson we learned about the E string." The 2nd week came and after the lesson the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On the 2nd lesson I learned about the A string." The 3rd week came by and the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons, what have you learned this week?" The son said, "I quit the lessons, I already got a gig."

Famed composer Johann Strauss was an avid mountain climber who once waltzed himself into deep trouble. He lost his footing and found himself hanging by his fingertips over a bottomless gorge. Another climber heroically came to his rescue and just managed to grab Johann by a strap of his backpack to save the Maestro's life. Since then, the act of trying to get out of a seemingly hopeless situation has come to be known as grasping at Strauss.

“Are part-time band leaders semiconductors?”

Question: What can you get if you have 50 cent? Answer: Hip-Hop and Rap.

What did the conductor say when asked to play "The Messiah"? "I don't think my orchestra can Handel it."

What musical note do you hear when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor!

On a first date, the young man thought he'd impress the young lady, a piano and voice teacher, by taking her to a karaoke bar. After going up and singing a song, and now feeling confident as ever, he thought he'd ask a music question to impress her even more. He asked her, "What key did I sing that in?" She replied, "Most of them."

Little Hope was practicing the violin in the living room while her father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Hope's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up and yelled above the noise, "Can't you play something the dog doesn't know?!"

If you paint your finger purple, and wiggle it in the air, is it ... FingerPrince?

There's a band called 1023 Megabytes... they haven't had a gig yet.

My Dad bought my Mom a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it. "Oh," said My Dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet." "How come?" I asked. "Well," he answered, "because with a clarinet, she can't sing."

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him. By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th. By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music. "Don't you get it?" the caretaker says incredulously, "He's decomposing!"

Why does Snoop Dogg have carpet in his bathroom? Fo' DRIZZLE!!!

Which burns longer, bagpipes or a banjo?

The Irish gave the Scots the Bagpipes as a cruel joke that was taken seriously.