Jokes

Two years ago I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date... Today I asked her to marry me... She said no on both occasions.

Romeo: "Somebody loves me." Juliet: "Who loves you?" Romeo: "Do you know that beautiful girl who moved into the corner house last week? I sang a serenade under her window last night, and she threw me a beautiful red, red rose." Juliet: "In a moment of mad love?" Romeo: "No, in a three pound pot."

Michelle: I hear you broke off your engagement to Rob. Why? Irina: It's just that my feelings toward him weren't the same any more. Michelle: Are you returning the ring? Irina: No way! My feelings toward the ring haven't changed one bit!

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.

The boyfriend calls his girlfriend and says, "Hi, hon, are you good with your heart transplant tomorrow?" "Oh, I'm a bit frightened, but confident," she answers. "You know, I love you, and I'm sure everything is gonna be fine," he adds. "I love you too!" she says and hangs up. After a successful surgery, she wakes up and when she sees her father beside her, she inquires, "Where's my boyfriend?" "Whose heart do you think is in your body now?" asks her dad. "NOOOO!!!" she exclaims. "Calm down," said her father, "this was just to test your new heart. He just went to the restroom..."

"Do you love me with all your heart and soul?" asked Becky on Valentines Day. "Mmm hmm," replied Dave. "Do you think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world?" "Mmm hmm." "Do you think my lips are like rose petals?" "Mmm hmm." "Oh Dave," gushed Becky, "you say the most beautiful things!"

My wife drew a stick figure of her and I on my breakfast napkin. She then wrote "I love you" on it. Guys, whatever you do, if you receive a sweet sentiment like this don't tape it to the fridge!

Most men are like bank accounts... When they don't have a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

Gary the Cactus will never find true love. Female Cactus: "Gary, you need to quit being selfish. We’re cact-us." Gary the Cactus: "Actually we’re cact-i."

The pretty lady at the DMV recommended to me that I sign up to be an organ donor.... That's when I realized she was a girl after my own heart!

"I love you" is a mathematical function where, 'I love' is the constant and 'you' is the variable... And marriage inverts the function, where "you" becomes the constant, "i love" becomes the variable.

“Do you know, why Andrews is so popular with the girls?” “No, why?” “When he sits down beside a pretty girl in a bar, he tells her, 'I’m not really so tall, I’m just sitting on my wallet.'"

A man was very much in love with a woman. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life. That evening he ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning. As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet. The fellow never found out what made his girlfriend so angry with him.

My boyfriend Hans and I met online. After dating a long time, I introduced him to my uncle, who was fascinated by the fact that we met over the Internet. He asked Hans what kind of line he had used to pick me up. Ever the geek, Hans naively replied, “I just used a modem.”

I met my husband while I was working in a science library. He came in every week to read the latest journals and eventually decided to take out the librarian instead of the books. After a year and a half of dating, he showed up at the library and started rummaging through my desk. I asked what he was looking for, but he didn’t answer. Finally he unearthed one of the rubber stamps I used to identify reference books. “Since I couldn’t find the right engagement ring, this will have to do,” he said as he firmly stamped my hand. Across my knuckles, in capital letters, it read... “NOT FOR CIRCULATION".

A man is madly in love with a princess and wants to propose, but an evil witch has cast a spell on him and now he can say only one word a year. So he waits 14 agonizing years—accumulating all his words—before approaching his beloved. Finally, the big day arrives. When he sees her, his heart skips a beat. He gathers his nerve, drops to his knees, and intones, “My darling, I have waited many years to say this... Will you marry me?” The princess turns around, smiles, and says, “Pardon?”

"I proposed to my girl friend last night, who just got promoted to a HR position earlier in the day." "That is cool! What did she say?" She said, "We will get back to you soon."

A smile - is a sign of joy. A hug - is a sign of love. A laugh - is a sign of happiness. And a friend like me? Well, that's a sign of good taste!

A girl asks a boy, "Peter, how much do you love me?" The boy looks her in the eyes, "Look up at the stars, that's how much I love you." The girl is confused, “But it’s morning, there are no stars?” Boy nods, "Exactly."

Boy: "I will not use Google anymore!" Girl: "Why not?" Boy: "Because after meeting you, all my searching is done."

Guy goes to top of the mountain and screams, "I LOVE YOU!" He waits for the echo. It takes a while, but he finally hears it. Echo replies, "I have a boyfriend!"

I asked my heart, "Why can't I sleep tonight? Could I possibly be in love with someone?" My heart replied, "Don't act like you are in love with anyone, it's because you slept in the afternoon."

Woman: Do you love me? Man: Yes, dear. Woman: Would you die for me? Man: No... mine is an undying love.

Girl: "Will you love me after marriage, also?" Boy: "I think that'll depend on your husband."

How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring.

I wrote a romance novel. It's called, "She Fell In Love With A Painter, But He Gave Her The Brush."

I romantically looked at my girlfriend and said to her, "Love is in the air." Apparently, she didn't agree. "No, that's pollen."

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do? His mother had an idea, "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your place for a home-cooked meal?" He thought this was a great strategy and arranged a date for a week later. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone. "The evening was a disaster," he moaned. "Why, what happened?" asked his mother. "Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook."

I said to my neighbor, "You'd better let your shutters down, because yesterday I saw you making love with your wife." "Haha, you idiot," he replied. "I wasn't even home yesterday."

Two friends, a guy and a girl, were having a chat... Guy: Do you know I like a girl, but I don't think that she would like me. Girl: Don't worry, she will like you. I bet you ten dollars that she will definitely like you! Guy: Okay, then fine, we have a deal. (Pause) Do you like me? Girl: Nope, you are not my type. Guy: You owe me ten dollars.