Jokes

Little Johnny turns up late for school one day and his teacher asks why. Little Johnny responds, "It's snowing heavily outside, so every time I took one step forward, I slipped two steps back." "Well, how did you make it to school then?" Little Johnny sighs, "I got fed up, so I turned to go home."

Little Johnny's school cook prided herself on the healthy meals she provided with lots of vegetables and fruits. One day when the power failed, the cook couldn't serve a hot meal in the cafeteria, so at the last minute she whipped up great stacks of peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches. Upon filling up his plate, Little Johnny's comment was, "Finally, a home-cooked meal!"

Teacher: How many seconds are there in a year? Little Johnny: Twelve. Teacher: Twelve? Are you sure? Little Johnny: Yes. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2....

Little Johnny came home from school with a sofa slung across his back I'm and armchairs under his arms. His father said, ”Little Johnny, I told you not to accept suites from strangers.”

Little Johnny goes to the local Farm & Ranch store to buy bird feed. The salesperson ask how many birds does he have? Little Johnny replies, "None, I want to grow some."

Teacher: "Where did Abraham Lincoln live?" Little Johnny: "At the Gettysburg Address."

As little Johnny's mother was tucking him in after reading a bedtime story, she made the remark that God made eyes to see, ears to hear, noses to smell, and feet to run. "I think God got mixed up," said little Johnny. "Why do you think that?" inquired his mother. "Because it's the other way around, my nose runs and my feet smell."

Teacher: "Who can tell me what the 25th letter of the alphabet?" Kid: "Y." Little Johnny: "I don’t know, maybe she’s not letting us know for some reason?"

Teacher: "Here is an example of a tongue twister — Sally sells sixty six shells by the sandy seashore... Now try saying that five times in a row fast!" Little Johnny: "That five times in a row fast!"

Why did little Johnny put his teddy in the freezer? He wanted a Polar Bear.

Little Johnny was celebrating his birthday soon. His father asked him what he would like for his birthday. Without hesitation Johnny said, "A spider." His father was somewhat incredulous, so he asked him again. "I really want a spider," responded Johnny. Well, his father went to the pet store and asked the salesperson, "Do you sell spiders?" "We sure do," was the response. "How much do they cost?" "$50.00," said the clerk. Somewhat taken aback, Johnny's father said, "That's too expensive. I'm sure I can find something cheaper on the web."

Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to wondering about things: "Mommy, why has Daddy got so few hairs on his head?" he asked his mother. "He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness. "So why do YOU have so much hair?" Little Johnny asks. "Go eat your breakfast!" snarled his mother.

Teacher: Railroad crossing at the track. How many R's in that? Little Johnny: There are no R's in 'that'.

After his mother yelled at little Johnny, he retaliated, "Don't shout at me! I am not dad!"

Teacher: Johnny what time is bedtime at your house? Johnny: 8:30 PM, ma’am. A few moments later Johnny’s Best Friend: So what time did you go to sleep last night? Johnny: 1:00 AM, after watching two movies and getting a snack.

Little Johnny: "Mommy! Mommy! I keep running around in circles!" Mommy: "Be quiet or I'll super glue your other shoe to the floor too!"

Teacher: "One day our country will be corruption free. What tense is that?" Little Johnny: "Future impossible tense!"

Teacher: "Name the nation that people dislike the most?" Little Johnny: "That's easy, it's the 'Exami-nation'!"

Teacher: "Can anyone tell me where the toothbrush was invented?" Little Johnny: "In Kentucky. If it was invented anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush."

Teacher: "Who could give me three examples of possessive pronouns?" Little Johnny: "Um... iPad, yourPad and theirPod?"

One day, little Johnny came up to his father and asked, “Dad, where did I come from?” Dad squirmed a bit, but thought it was time his son knew the facts of life. He told him the expression of love resulted in the beginning of life. How life developed and finally, how a child was born. As the story unfolded, Johnny’s eyes got wider and wider. When his father was finished, Johnny said, “Wow, that is really neat. That sure beats what Billy told me. He said that he came from Cranston.”

"Johnny, where's your homework?" Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy, while holding out her hand. "My dog ate it," was his solemn response. "Johnny, I have been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?" "It's true, Miss Martin, I swear," insisted Johnny. "I had to force him, but he ate it!"

Teacher: Which hand do you eat spaghetti with Little Johnny? Little Johnny: I don't use my hands, I use a fork.

Teacher: What's the capital of France? Little Johnny: That would be the 'F'!

Little Johnny was in his first grammar class when the teacher asked him if he could give a simple sentence. Little Johnny grinned real big and said, " I eat six eggs for breakfast." His teacher replied, "You mean ate?" Little Johnny thought for a bit. then said, "Maybe it was eight eggs I eat."

Teacher: "Little Johnny, spell 'blind pig'." Little Johnny: "B-L-N-D, space, P-G." Teacher: "You forgot the two I's." Little Johnny: "No, I didn't. A blind pig has no I's."

Why did Little Johnny bring a ladder to school? He wanted a higher education.

Teacher: If you had 4 balls in your left pocket and 6 balls in your right pocket, what would you have? Little Johnny: Really big pockets!

Teacher: How many feet are in a yard? Little Johnny: It depends on how many people are standing in it.

Little Johnny asked his Grandma how old she was. Grandma answered, "39 and holding." Johnny thought about that and then asked, "And how old would you be if you let go?"