Jokes

A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?” The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!” The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”

One day a curious little girl started asking her mommy questions about the origin of her little brother. She just kept asking questions and her mommy believed she should have an answer to ANY question she asked. One question led to another and eventually the mommy had to describe to the little girl EXACTLY how the sperm got to the egg.... The little girl got a disgusted look on her face and shouted, "EEEEWWWW!!! and you and daddy had to do it TWICE!!!!"

Q: What's the funniest joke ever? A: Chris Benson

Sama wanted to eat a mango from the tree. He climbed the tree, inspected the mangoes and saw the one he wanted. He then got down so that he could shoot it down and eat.

A: I have the perfect son. B: Does he smoke? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he drink whiskey? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he ever come home late? A: No, he doesn't. B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

Bert and Ernie are walking down sesame street and Bert asks Ernie,"Hey Ernie, you want to get some ice cream?"What did Ernie say? "Sure Bert"

A busy mother and her two small children, Jack and Sally, were on a train ride to the city. Halfway through the trip, Jack asked his mother, “What was the name of the last station where this train stopped?” The mother replied, “I don’t remember. “Why?” “Well,” little Jack answered, “because that’s where Sally got off.”

After being punished for losing his temper, a little boy ventured to ask his mother, “Please explain to me the difference between my foul tempered and your worn nerves.”

A little boy took the chair at the barbershop. “How would you like your hair cut today, son?” asked the barber. “Oh, do it like you do Daddy’s, with the big hole at the back.”

Joe’s dad scolded him for breaking a neighbor’s window with a baseball. “What did he say to you when you broke his window?” asked the father. “Do you want to hear what he said with or without the bad words?” “Without, of course.” “Well, then, he said nothing.”

Why is it called a 'Picnic'? Betty Sue wanted to eat outside on a hot summer day with her boyfriend. Problem: she had two boyfriends, Fred and Nick. Considering she knew she wouldn't have a very happy lunch if the two boys were arguing, she decided just to choose one boy to have the meal. She Picked Nick.

Glen, why do you always get so dirty? Asked the teacher. Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. He replied

“Now, Joseph,” said the teacher to the aggressive youngster, “what do you think your classmates would think of you if you were always kind and polite?” “They’d think they could beat me up,” promptly responded Joseph.

Running into the house after school Tommy said to his mother, “Mom! Isn’t an ox a kind of a bull?” “Yes, she replied. “And doesn’t equine have something to do with horses?” “That’s right.” She said. Running out of the house Tommy said “I’ll see you later!” “Why? Where are you going?” asked his mother. “To some other town I just heard in school that the equinox is coming, and I don’t wanna be around when it gets here!”

The young boy protested vigorously when his mother asked him to take his little sister along fishing. “The last time she came,” he objected, “I didn’t catch a single fish.” “I’ll talk to her,” his mother said, “and I promise this time she won’t make any noise.” “It wasn’t the noise, Mom,” the boy replied. “She ate all my bait.”

Harry came home from Sunday school and asked his mother, “Do people really come from dust?” “In a way said,” said his mother. “And do they go back to dust?” “Yes, in a way.” She replied. “Well, mother, I looked under my bed, and somebody’s either coming or going.”

Willy runs in and tells his mother you’d better come out. I’ve just knocked over the ladder at the side of the house. His mother says, go and tell your father, I’m busy. Willy says, Mom he already knows, he’s hanging from the roof.

Bill was showing Joe the family album, and came across a picture of himself and his wife on their wedding day. “Was that the day Mommy came to work for us?” Joe asked.

When Grandpa and Billy entered their vacation cabin, they kept the lights off until they were inside to keep from attracting insects. Still, a few fireflies followed them in. Noticing them before Grandpa did, Billy whispered, ‘It’s no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights.’

Sally was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the bottle. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 5-year-old daughter to answer the phone. “Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.”

A nursery school driver was delivering a van full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog’s duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said Tommy. "No," said Billy, "he’s just for good luck." Peter brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," he said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

A policeman parked his police van in from of the station, while gathering his equipment, his K-9 partner Tops was barking, and he saw a little boy staring in at him “Is that a dog you got back there?” he asked. “It sure is,” the policeman replied. Puzzle, the boy looked at him and towards the back of the van. Finally he asked; “What did he do?”

Mother asks little Johnny, as they wait for the bus, to tell the driver he is 4 years old when asked because he will ride for free. As they get into the bus the driver asks Johnny how old he was. "I am 4 years old". "And when will you be six years old?" asks the driver. “When I get off the bus" answers Johnny.

Two kids were deciding what game to play. One said, “Let’s play doctor.” “Good idea,” said the other. “You operate, and I’ll sue.”

A kindergarten teacher asked: “What is the shape of the earth?” After a pause a little girl spoke up: “According to my Daddy…terrible!”

Trying to come to the aid of his Dad, who was stopped by an officer for speeding, the mischievous child piped up, “Yeah? Well, if we were speeding, so were you!”

Vicky was at a business conference. During a break, she decided to call home collect. Her six-year-old son picked up the phone and heard a stranger’s voice say, “We have Vicky on the line. Will you accept the charges?” Frantic, the six-year-old dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, “Dad! They have Mom! And they want money!”

Sam: Dad, would you do my math homework for me? Dad: No, son, it wouldn’t be right. Sam: Well, at least you could try.

Little Sue was standing in front of her mirror with her eyes closed. “Why are you standing there with your eyes closed?” asked her sister. “So I can see what I look like when I’m asleep,” she replied.

“How did school go today? a mother asked her little boy. “Fine”, the little fellow replied. “We had a new teacher and she wanted to know if I had any brothers and I told her I was an only child”. What did she say?” his mother asked. “The teacher said, “Thank goodness”