desert-island Jokes
Browse jokes in this category.
Bargain SHopper
What is a bargain shopper's favorite movie? Goodwill Hunting.
One Per Day
I can please only one person per day... and today is not your day! Tomorrow isn’t looking good either for you either.
There Is No Right Way
There is no right way to do the wrong thing... But there is definitely a wrong way to do the right thing!
Ineffective Pain Pills
"Evidently, my pain pills are not working." "Why do you say that?" "Well, you're still here."
To Err and Admit
To err is human... To admit it, now that's a mistake!
Scissor Packages
I believe scissors ought to come in packaging that doesn't require scissors to start with.
Trouble with Punctual
The trouble with being punctual... Is that no one is there to appreciate it!
You're the Bug
Sometimes you're the bug... More often than not, you're the windshield.
The End Was Now
Don't worry about the world ending today... It's already tomorrow in Australia.
Recognizing Subtlety
Some people would not recognize subtlety if it hit them on the head.
Cleaning the Ocean Floor
Who cleans the ocean floor? A Mer-Maid.
What Word
What word in the dictionary is spelled incorrectly? Incorrectly!
One Good Turn
One good turn... Usually gets most of the blanket.
Bathroom Door
Danny, caught off-guard, yells at his roommate, "Dude! Why are you taking a bath with the bathroom door open?" His roommate David replies, "I'm making sure no one is looking at me through keyhole."
Minimalists
Why don't "minimalists" find a shorter name for themselves?
Where There's A Will
Where there is a will, there is an Inheritance Tax!
No Hypotheticals
What if there were no hypothetical situations?
A Man with Glasses
Never hit a man with glasses... Use your fists instead.
Remembrance
Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
Never Put Off
Never put off till tomorrow what you can ignore entirely.
Opinions May Have Changed
My opinions might have changed... But not the fact that I am right!
She's A Travel Agent
My mother is a travel agent... for guilt trips.
Why It Takes So Long
Why did the energizer Bunny take so long to go to the bathroom? Because he kept going and going and going...
Trying to Daydream
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering...
Spot Remover
I spilled spot remover on my dog... He's gone now.
Do You Ever Wonder
Do you ever wonder... Why do they report power outages on TV?
Yelling Instead of Talking
If instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure for the rest of their lives?
Hide & Seek Crisis
If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide & seek... Do they automatically lose because they can't find themselves?
Keep Stress Out
Keep stress out of your life... Give it to others instead.
They Walk While They Play
Why do bagpipe players always walk while they play? Is it to get away from the noise?