desert-island Jokes
Browse jokes in this category.
Ghostly Builder
What do ghosts need to build a house? A “boo” print!
Split in Two
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
A Towel Joke
Why can't towels tell jokes? Because they have a dry sense of humor.
The Past Tense
Divorce is the past tense of marriage.
Get The Name Right
BOSS: "What should we call this giant advertising board?" PHIL: "A philboard!" BILL: "No, wait... I have a better idea!"
She'll Break Many Hearts
Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day." Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"
Mental Capacity
My ability to remember song lyrics from the ’80’s far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the kitchen.
Please Explain
Why is there no egg in eggplant? Why is there no ham in a hamburger? How come English Muffins do not come from England? How come French Fries do not come from France? Why doesn’t pineapple contain apples or pines? How come a Guinea Pig is neither a pig nor is it from Guinea?
Good Deal
Buy your thermometers in the wintertime... They're much lower then.
Face or Bill
What's the difference between a duck and George Washington? One has a bill on their face and the other has their face on a bill.
Age Appropriate
When it comes to telling her age, she's shy... About 10 years shy!!!
In Six Months
"Where do you see yourself in six months?" "I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision."
Super Grandfather
My grandfather has lion heart and eagle eyes! Unfortunately we couldn't find other donors.
Worth Of A Gas Cap
A man walked up to the counter of an auto-part store. "Excuse me," he said, "I'd like to get a new gas cap for my Yugo." "Sure," the clerk replied. "Sounds like a fair exchange to me."
Problems
Seeing a spider is not a problem... The problem comes when it disappears!
If A Gang of Robbers Dove
If a gang of robbers dove into a swimming pool... Would that cause a crime wave?
Gas for $1.49
I got gas today for $1.49... Unfortunately, it was Taco Bell.
Career Change
I accidentally wore a red shirt to Target and... Long story short, I'm covering for Debbie this weekend.
My New Years Resolution
My New Years resolution is to start reading more... So I enabled the subtitles on my TV.
Skeletons
Why don't skeletons ever get mad? Nothing gets under their skin.
Dogs Being Dogs
Two dogs pass a parking meter... One says to the other, "How do you like that, a pay toilet!"
Who Is Right
War does not determine who is right... Only who is left.
Where There's A Will
Where there's a will... I want to be in it!
Three Phrases
Three phrases commonly seen around Christmas time are... Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries Not Included!
He Who Laughs Last
He who laughs last... didn't get it!
Hurdles
I used to have a fear of hurdles... But I got over it!
Unique Species
What is unique about Humans? Humans are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
Electrical Engineers
Where do electrical engineers go after work? They go ohm!
What They Sound Like
Words that mean what they sound like... Counterfeiters: workers who put together kitchen cabinets. Eclipse: what an English barber does for a living. Eyedropper: a clumsy ophthalmologist. Heroes: what a guy in a boat does. Left Bank: what the robber did when his bag was full of loot.
The Best Way
Teacher: "How do you keep your old car running better?" Student: "Check the prices of a new car regularly."