desert-island Jokes

Did you hear about Steve Harvey and his wife getting into an argument? It was a Family Feud!

Exercise works best first thing in the morning... Before your brain figures out what you're doing.

My friend told me he had the body of a Greek god... I had to explain to him that Buddha is not Greek.

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same... while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

Why do we have noses that run and feet that smell?

Why do people recite at a play but play at a recital?

Why did Miss Muffet need directions? She lost her Whey.

Sometimes I like my steak under cooked... But that's rare.

The New Yorker asked his friend if he was a Giant fan... His friend said, "No, I'm an air conditioner."

What’s a banana peel’s favorite type of shoe? Slippers!

Always follow your dreams! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.

The problem with jogging is by the time you realize you’re not in shape for it... It’s already too far to walk back!

Have you ever wondered... Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

You know what really hurts me inside? Internal bleeding.

Why haven't Aliens visited out Solar System yet? They looked at the reviews... Only 1 star!

You know what really makes me sick? The Flu.

If the proverbial snake swallowing its tail ever finishes its mission... Will it blink itself out of proverbial existence?

Always borrow money from pessimists... They don't expect to be paid back.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes... That way when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

I wonder why scissors comes in packages that you need them to open them?

You know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.

Don't be irreplaceable... If you can't be replaced, Then you can't be promoted!

Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game"? Aren't we are already there?

If you get motion sickness on a DOWN escalator... Do you still throw-UP?

Have you ever wondered... Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

If a word is misspelled in the dictionary... How would we ever know?

What is ambition? Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend... But she left me before we met.

On a Butcher's window.... "Let Me Meat Your Needs!"