Quotes

Nothing is funnier than confidently doing the wrong thing.

I want to see Brian Williams with no irony wearing a mustache.

I actually opened for Chris Rock at the Funny Bone one time.

If you're calling yourself a maverick and you're not Dirk Nowitzki, then you are probably not one. In fact, this rule applies to anyone declaring themselves a 'God-fearing Christian' or a 'Man of the people.'

Everything in America is so stratified by class now. We have the 93rd level of income inequality in the world. You're already seeing highway lanes that are for pay and ones that aren't.

I hired a personal trainer to help me lose 25 pounds and get from obese to fat. My next step will be to get from fat to chubby.

I am actually talking about possibly adapting 'The Boys,' by Garth Ennis, which would not be a comedy, but an action movie with comedy elements to it.

I love 'The Wire;' that's my favorite show, so I'll watch that.

Voting for Romney after the train wreck of that was the eight years of W. Bush is like losing your pay check playing a rigged game of three-card monte and then playing the same game again a week later 'cause the cards are a different color.

The easiest time to be funny is during a fairly serious situation. That way, you can break the ice. It's crazy, but even at funerals, people will get huge laughs.

Ultimately, the only people who are in any way edified by hanging with famous people are you at the age of 11 and your mom.

It's one thing to break stuff and damage people's possessions, but when you start aiming at the ideology of America, that's dangerous comedy.

I'm sure when they partied when Rome was burning, that was a really great party.

The living nightmare for a red state NASCAR driver would be a gay French driver.

White-collar crime has been marketed - billions of dollars have been put in to have us be bored by it.

I always thought George Bush was more oblivious than mean, but oblivious can quickly go to mean.

I hired Tina Fey for 'SNL,' which was certainly a good match. She took off right away there.

The way you really stop Al-Qaeda is by stopping their funding. It's not by carpet-bombing or land invasions or anything.

Anyone in the comedy world knows that Horatio Sanz and Chris Parnell are two of the funniest guys around.

Nothing heightens chaos more than a berserk wild animal right in the middle.

The corporate right fires up the religious right against gay marriage and abortion and uses their votes to push their deregulation and tax cuts for the rich. It's an old trick. The House of Saud has the same arrangement with the Mullahs in Saudi Arabia.

The hardest thing in the world to do is to have someone in a seat in a theater laughing so hard that they're making weird sounds.

Other than Green Day, we haven't had a lot of protest music over the past few decades.

I guess HBO did a giant 'War in the Pacific' mini-series that cost, like, a fortune, and there was a little moment where they literally had no money. And even though the show had become kind of a cult hit, there was an issue of whether they could actually afford to do it.

There's nothing more fun to me than new characters and a new world.