Quotes

I don't normally vote. I'm lazy and I never bought into the 'Every vote counts.'

I don't think I've ever seen pie advertised. That's how you know it's good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts. They advertise the bejeezus out of yogurt, but I haven't seen one pie commercial.

I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.

I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that's out of this world. I'll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn't have to be between Thai and Mexican every night. Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.

Honestly, I've always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed - that kind of stuff.

If in 1989 I said, 'I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,' they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.

I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want to take any chances.

People are stupid. There's a lot of dumb stuff that's successful.

The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.

There are certain things women are better at than men.

I get depressed at airports.

The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don't have a compelling host then you have nothing.

No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians; I'm just not a reader.

I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings.

I've always boxed, I always taught boxing.

I mean, we sit around and we go, you know, 'Torture doesn't work.' Well, it's been around for 5,000 years. Most stuff that doesn't work goes the way of the dodo pretty quick, like waterbeds and 8-tracks and things like that.

The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.

I've never really broken this down before, but, in movies, you almost have no connection to fans. And if you do TV, you're kind of connected, but they know you as the TV name not your real name. If you do radio, there's more of a bond there. And then if you do a podcast it's like you're literally inside of your fans.

I like radio and live performing stuff. I don't like the television stuff as much.

In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money... and not do stuff that was dirty. I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn't very good at it.

I don't know anything about computers.

I'm not sexist, I'm just a realist.

I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.

I was a horrible student.

I don't have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.