Jokes

Well, I was just thinking about all the possible things that could make the new president comfortable in the White House. Putting graffiti on the walls of the White House that says, "Cheney was here," or changing the president's theme from "Hail to the Chief," to the Jeffersons' show's theme song, "We're moving on up."

What do you call a bunch of black people inside a school bus? A rotten banana!

What is the difference between Jesus, and a picture of Jesus? You can hang the picture with just one nail.

Three ladies were on a flight, when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing." The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich, and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great t*ts and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."

This brother was banging his sister, and he says, "You f*ck like Mom," and she laughs. He says, "What?" She says, "That's what Dad said."

Why do women have one more brain cell than a horse? For managing not to drink the water from the bucket while she sweeps the floor.

What do you say when you see your television floating at night? "Drop it nigga."

There's a man walking a tight rope 60 feet above ground. There's another man getting a bl*wjob from a 60 year old woman. What are they both thinking at the exact same time? Don't look down, don't look down, don't look down, don't look down!

What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.

How do you starve a black person? Put their food stamp card under their workboots!

Q: What do you say to a black man in a three piece suit? A: "Will the defendant please rise?"

I was at my bank today waiting in a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"

A blind man walked into a fish market and said, "Hello ladies!"

Q: Why is a woman with no breasts a pirate's delight? A: Because she has a sunken chest.

A man recently had his arm amputated and decided to kill himself by jumping off a building. When he was ready to jump, he saw a man with both arms amputated dancing around. He decided to find out why he was so happy. The man told him, “I’m not dancing. My ass is itching and I can’t scratch it!”

Q: What kind of wood doesn't float? A: Natalie Wood.

In South Los Angeles, a fourplex was destroyed by fire. A Nigerian family of six con artists lived on the first floor, and all six died in the fire. A black Islamic group of seven welfare cheaters, all illegally in the country from Kenya, lived on the second floor, and they, too, all perished in the fire. Six Los Angeles gangbanger ex-cons lived on the third floor and they died as well. One white couple lived on the top floor. The couple survived the fire. Jesse Jackson, John Burris, and Al Sharpton were furious. They flew to Los Angeles and met with the fire chief on television. They loudly demanded to know why the Nigerians, Muslims, and gangbangers all died in the fire, and only the white couple survived. The fire chief said, "Please don't get upset. The reason those fellow citizens survived was because they were at work."

After being married for twenty years to his lover, a gay man dies. When the funeral arrangements have been set, the widower approaches the undertaker with a peculiar request, "I know we had plans to cremate his body, but will you please chop him up and put him in a extra spicy curry instead?" The undertaker asks, "Why would you want that?" The gay widower replies, "So he will blow my ass out one more time."

My Dear Sirs; In reply to your request to send a check, I wish to inform you that the present condition of my bank account makes it almost impossible. My shattered financial condition is due to federal laws, state laws, county laws, city laws, corporation laws, liquor laws, mother-in-laws, brother-in-laws, sister-in-laws, outlaws, and blue laws. Through these laws I am compelled to pay a business tax, amusement tax, head tax, school tax, gas tax, light tax, sales tax, liquor tax, carpet tax, income tax, food tax, furniture tax, and excise tax, even my brains are taxed. I am required to get a business license, car license, hunting and fishing license, truck license, not to mention a marriage license, and a dog license. I am also required to contribute to every society and organization which the genius of man is capable to bringing to life. To the women’s relief, unemployed relief, and gold diggers relief; also to every hospital and charitable institution in the city including the black cross, the blue cross, the purple cross, and the double cross. For my own safety I am required to carry a life insurance, property insurance, liability insurance, burglar insurance, accident insurance, business insurance, earthquake insurance, tornado insurance, unemployment insurance, old age and fire insurance. My business is so governed that it is no easy matter for me to find out who owns it. I am inspected, suspected, disrespected, rejected, dejected, examined, informed, required, summoned, commanded, and compelled, until I’ve provided an in-exhaustible supply of money for every known need of the human race. Simply because I refuse to donate to something-or other I am boycotted, talked about, lied about, held up, held down, and robbed until I am almost ruined. I can tell you honestly that except for the miracle that happened I could not enclose this check. The wolf that comes to many doors these days just had pups in my kitchen. I sold them and … here is your money!

A man siting at a bar asked a pretty woman sitting next to him, Excuse me, but can I smell your pussy?" "Get away from me, you pervert," she replied. "Oh, I'm sorry," exclaims the man, "It must be your feet."

Why is it that skinny men like fat women? Because they need warmth in winter and shade in summer.

Q: What did one tampon say to the other? A: Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches.

After the defeat of Serena Williams by Kerber at the #AustralianOpen, Blacks have promised to boycott next year’s tournament. Apparently, too many white players have won this year.

Michael Jackson has done something no one has ever done before. I'm not talking about his record sales or tickets sold. I'm talking about being born a black man, and dying a white woman. Incredible.

Q: What's the difference between a black and an Asian? A: 10 minutes in the oven.

Here is a pick up line. "Hey girl, come sit on my lap and we could talk about the first thing that pops up."

Q: What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? A: He wiped his bum.

What do you call a cholo with one short leg and one regular leg? Not even a!

What's the favorite pick up line in a gay bar. Can I push your stool in?

Ever seen a blind man swim? He probably hasn't either.