Jokes

What did the blonde say after college? "Will that be paper or plastic?"

What would you do if a Blonde threw a hand grenade right at you? "Just pull the pin and throw it back."

Q: Why did the mirror have holes in it? A: A moron kept trying to shoot himself.

Mary Lou, the blonde, was out playing in the garden one day with three boys. They ran around in the garden and played tag. She later climbed the tree that was in her garden. Her mother yelled out, "Mary Lou get down out of the tree, the boys are going to see your panties." She laughed and she laughed. She knew she wasn't wearing any panties.

Doctor: "You look exhausted." Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."

Q: What's the top prize in the blonde lottery? A: $20 a year for a million years.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A: Pregnant.

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie. The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one." The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband and my life. I just want to go home." Poof! The brunette gets her wish, and she is returned to her family. The redhead says, "I've also been stuck here for years, and I wish I could go home, too." Poof! The redhead gets her wish, and she is returned to her family. The blonde starts crying uncontrollably. The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?" The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."

A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked, "Where did you get that?" The pig replied, "I won her in a raffle!"

A blonde who was driving down the highway pulled over to the side of the road when the policeman driving behind her turned on his lights and siren. She didn’t have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quietly slipped it on before the officer got to her window. After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, “I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?” “Yes, I do, officer,” she politely replied. “Interesting,” said the officer. “Do you always loop it through your steering wheel like that?”

A blonde told her doctor that she was really worried because every part of her body hurt. The doctor looked concerned and said, "Show me where." The blonde touched her own arm and screamed, "Ouch!" Then she touched her leg and screamed, "Ouch!" She touched her nose and cried, "Ouch!" She looked at her doctor and said, "See? It hurts everywhere!" The doctor laughed and said, "Don't worry; it's not serious. You've just got a broken index finger."

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts. A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks, “Ma’am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?” “Why, officer?” asks the blonde. “Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed.” “Oh my goodness,” exclaims the blonde, “I left my baby on the bus!”

Did you hear about the new blonde paint? It’s not very bright, but it’s cheap, and spreads easy.

A young man finally got a date with the blonde who lived across the road. To prepare for his big date, the young man went out into the garden to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude. Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep and managed to get sunburn on his “tool of the trade.” But, he was determined not to miss his date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze. The blonde showed up for the date, and the young man treated her to a home-cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a DVD. During the film, however, the young man’s sunburn started acting up again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen and poured a tall, cool glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain. The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his dick immersed in a glass of milk. Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed, “So that’s how you guys load those things!”

Q: Why did the blind blonde cross the road? A: She was following her seeing-eye chicken.

A guy took a blonde out on a date. Eventually they ended up parked at a “lovers point” where they started making out. After things started getting pretty good, he thought he might get lucky, so he asked her “Do you want to get into the back seat?” “NO!” she answered. Okay, he thought, maybe she’s not ready yet. Now he has her shirt and skirt off, the windows are steamed, and things are getting really hot, so he asks again, “Do you want to get into the back seat?” “NO!” she answers again. Now he has her bra off, they’re both very sweaty, and she even has his pants unzipped. Okay, he thinks, she HAS to want it now. “Do you want to get into the back seat NOW?” he asks again. “NO!” she answers yet again. Frustrated, he demands “Well, why not!” “Because I want to stay up here with you!”

Did you hear about the blondes that froze to death at a drive-in movie theater? They went to see "Closed for the Winter."

one day a blonde decided that she would like to buy a tv. she went to the electronics store and asked the man if she could buy that tv. The man said "sorry we dont sell to blondes. she went home an dyed her hair black. The next day she went back and asked for the tv again. The man replied " sorry we dont sell to blondes". "but my hair is black" she replied. "yes but the 'tv' you wanted to buy is actually a microwave"

There was a beautiful young blonde who was going to a soda machine and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst. She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a little, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke which she placed on a counter by the machine. Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change. She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mello Yello. As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man who had been waiting patiently for several minutes now spoke up. “Excuse me Ms. but are you done yet?” She looked at him and indignantly replied: “Well Duhhh!, I’m still winning”.

Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Two, one to hold the light bulb and one to spin the ladder around!

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are crossing an enchanted bridge in Magical Fairyland when they run into a fairy. The fairy says that they can be granted a transformation if they jump off the bridge and call out their wish. The brunette immediately jumps off the bridge and yells "Eagle!" She turns into a beautiful bird of prey and flies away. The redhead jumps off the bridge and yells out "Salmon!" She turns into a gorgeous shimmering salmon and swims upstream to spawn. The blonde is at this point so excited that she jumps off the bridge without thinking of her wish. She panics. "Crap!"

What's the difference between a blonde and a hole in the mattress? I still can't find the difference.

how come blondes don't wear tampons? so their crabs don't go bungie jumping.

Q: How many blonde jokes are there? A: One. The rest are all true stories.

How do you confuse a blonde? You don't! They're born that way.

Why can't blondes count to 70? Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.

Blonde is standing in front of the soda machine at work and keeps putting in 50 cents and getting a soda. After awhile, with several sodas at her feet and a long line forming behind her, one of the other workers taps her on the shoulder and asks if she will be much longer because they want sodas too. The blonde turns around and quite exasperated says, "duh, I am still winning..."

A blonde was walking down the street with shower caps on her breasts. A guy asked her, "Hey, what's with the shower caps?" "Shower caps?" she responded, "These are booby condoms!"

A blonde goes into a computer store and asks the clerk, “Where do you keep the curtains for computers?” The clerk answers with a puzzled face, “Curtains for computers? You don’t need curtains for computers.” The blonde’s eyes widen and she shakes her head as she answers, “Hello!?? My computer has Windows!!”

Q: Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? A: They think their picture is being taken.