Jokes

What’s the difference between Bigfoot and an intelligent blonde? There have been sightings of Bigfoot.

This blonde goes into the drugstore looking for a birthday card. She asks the clerk if they have any new and different cards - something unusual. The clerk points her to a new card just in that day - “Happy Birthday to the Boy who Popped My Cherry.” The blonde replied, “How cool! I’ll take the whole box!”

A blonde walks into a chinese laundry and drops of a dress with a big white stain on it. As shes leaving the laundry lady says come again. Blonde replies no it was toothpaste this time

Blonde: I'm really cold. Me: Really? Blonde: Yes, but I heard I should stand in a corner when I'm cold. Me: And how does that work? Blonde: A corner is 90 degrees.

A man and a blonde are at an ATM. The man says "I know you'r pincode, it's ****" and the blonde says "No it's not! It's 4829!"

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned: “I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!”

She is so blonde, when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around and went back home.

A blonde girl was talking to her redhead friend about her boyfriend's dandruff problem. The redhead says "Why don't you give him Head and Shoulders?" The blonde replies, "How do you give shoulders?"

After robbing a bank, a blond, a brunette, and a redhead duck into an alley where they hide in potato sacks. The cops first go to the sack with the brunette in it and kick it. The brunette says, "Meow." They go to the sack with the redhead and kick it. She says, "Woof, woof." Last, they kick the sack with the blond, and she says, "Po-ta-to."

Q: There are 17 blonds standing outside a disco but why couldn't they get in? A: The sign said "must be 18 to enter".

Why did God give blondes 2 points higher IQs than horses? Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.

When a blonde gets told to do an Essay,she does a Mexican.

Death: It's your time. give me your hand Blonde: No! i know that if i dont touch you then I'll never die! Death: Holy shit! You figured out the key to living forever! You're soooo smart! High five! Blonde: *high fives* Death: Typical blonde... Dumbass...

Did you hear about the blonde who sold her car to get some money for petrol?

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? A: Her ankles.

I went to this swingers party in Liverpool and tossed my keys into a bowl. I thought I had hit the jackpot when this sultry blonde picked them out. Never saw my BMW again.

One day 2 blondes walked into a tanning salon. One blonde said, " A tan for 2 please!" The cashier said, " Ok," filled out a form for them and asked, "are you two sisters?" They chuckled and replied, " No, we aren't even Catholic."

A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over. “May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop. Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license. Now today you want me to show it to you!”

Three women (a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette) are lost in the forest while hunting. They each have a shotgun with 2 bullets. They make a fire. Then the redhead gets up and goes hunting. She comes back with 2 rabbits. The other two say, "Wow, where did you get that?" She says, "I found tracks. I followed tracks. I saw rabbits. Rabbits ran. I shot. Rabbits stopped." Then the brunette leaves and comes back with a deer. The other two say, "Wow, Where did you get that?" She says, "I found tracks. I followed tracks. I saw deer. Deer ran. I shot. Deer stopped." The blonde leaves and comes crawling back, all bloodied and black and blue. They others say, "Wow, where did you get that?" She says, "I found tracks. I followed tracks. I saw train. Train ran. I shot. Train didn't stop."

Tryouts for the U.S. Olympic women’s marathon swim team were to be held. The first was in California; a swim from from Santa Monica to Catalina doing only the breaststroke. Three women signed up for the tryouts - a brunette, a redhead and a blonde. The race started, and after approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the winner. About 40 minutes later, the Redhead crawled ashore and was declared the second place finisher. Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers. When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete this regulation breaststroke race, she replied, “I don’t want to sound like I’m a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms.”

Q: What did one of the blonde's legs say to the other one? A: "Between you and me, we could make a lot of money."

Q: Why do blondes take birth control pills? A: So they know what day of the week it is.

What is gross ignorance? 144 blondes

A blond gets a new cell phone from her husband. The next day she goes to Wal-mart and her phone rings, so she answers it. It was her husband. He says, "How's the new cell phone?" She replied, "Great...but how did you know I was at Wal-mart?"

An attractive Irish blonde  at a Casino seemed a little Intoxicated She bet 10,000 Euro on a single Roll of dice  and said: “I hope u don’t mind, but I feel Luckier when I am in my birthday suit..!” With that she threw her clothes off, rolled the dice & yelled , “Come on baby…Mama needs new Clothes!” As the Dice came to a stop, she jumped and Squealed, “YES! YES! I WON! I WON!” She hugged each dealer and picked up her winnings and her clothes and left… The dealers stared at each other….Dumbfounded …Finally, one of them asked, “What number rolled on the dice” The other answered: “I don’t know… I thought you were watching” MORAL OF THE STORY All Irish aren’t Drunk All Blondes aren’t dumb But all Men are Men..!!!

Q: What invention did a blonde come up with that didn't pass the patent board? A: Ejection seats in helicopters.

A blonde keeps checking her mail box. A neighbour notices her repeated trips to the kerb and asks if she’s waiting for a special delivery. ‘No,’ she replies. ‘But my computer keeps telling me I have mail.’

Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: Give her an M&M bag, and tell her to alphabetize it.

Q: What happened when a blonde missed the Q44 bus? A: She took the Q22 twice.

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads, "Cheese Sandwich: $1.50; Chicken Sandwich: $2.50; Hand Job: $10.00." Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men. "Yes?" she enquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?" "I was wondering," whispers the man, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs, "I am." The man replies, "Well, go wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"