Jokes

A gossiping girl student asked another about the hot story, “Do you know why the Lady English Teacher slapped George left and right today?” The other replied, “Ya, Lady English Teacher insisted that students should ask a question no matter how dumb it is.” She continued, ” So George stood up, pointed his two fingers at the teacher and asked ‘Why is Bra singular when it holds two in it’ and then pointing one finger at the teacher he asked again ‘And Panties is plural when it holds only one.”

Teacher: What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots! Ramu: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: "Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face." "Yes, sir," the boys said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "It's because yer feet ain't empty."

Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? Donald: H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O. Teacher: What are you talking about? Donald: Yesterday you said it was H to O.

One day a teacher went into her class room and saw the word, “penis” written in small letters on the chalkboard. She erased it and went on with the day’s lesson. The next day, she came in and saw the same word on the chalkbaord, but a little bit bigger. She erased it and went on with her lesson. Each of the next several days, the teacher would come in to find “penis” on the board, a little larger each time. She went in one morning, expecting to find it again, but instead the chalkboard read: “The more you rub it, the bigger it gets.”

One day, a young boy was asked by his teacher to tell him what the chemical formula for water was. The boy replied with "H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O". The Teacher was stunned. "That's not right, how did you come up with that?" The boy said, "Last week you said it was H2O!"

Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun. Everyone must attend it. Mary: No madam! I will not be able to attend it. Teacher: Why? Mary: My mother will not allow me to go so far!

The English teacher’s husband walked in and caught his wife sleeping with a young co-ed. He said, “Why, Susan, I’m surprised.” She bolted upright, pointed her finger and corrected him, “No. I am surprised. You are astonished.”

I hate people that ask questions even though they already know the answer.. Teachers are the worst.

A teacher:"John, I hope I won't see you're cheating." John:"Me either."

Q: What type of exam does the vampire teacher give his students? A: A blood test.

Did you here about the cross-eyed teacher? She couldn't keep control of her pupils.

Why did the teacher put the lights on? Because the class was so dim!

I sometimes think of how much I miss my happy days at school: forcing new pupils’ heads down the toilet and flushing it; banging on classroom doors in the science block to get chased by the teachers; having a sneaky fag round the back of the bike sheds; and, of course, queueing with the rest of the lads to get a blow job from Nikki ‘big tits’ of the sixth form. I loved that caretaker’s job.

Students in the class (-_-) (-_-) (-_-) (-_-) (-_-) (-_-) (-_-) (-_-) When teacher say tomorrow will be exam (O_O) (O_O) (O_O) (O_O) (O_O)(O_O) During the exam (→_→) (←_←) (→_→) (←_←) (→_→)(←_←) When monitor comes in (↓_↓) (↓_↓) (↓_↓) (↓_↓) (↓_↓) In the end of the exam (͡๏̯͡๏) (͡๏̯͡๏) (͡๏̯͡๏) (͡๏̯͡๏) (͡๏̯͡๏) (͡๏̯͡๏)

E arly one morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up. “Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school.” “But why, Mama? I don’t want to go to school.” “Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go to school.” “One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me.” “Oh! that’s no reason. Come on, you have to go to school.” “Give me two good reasons WHY I should go to school?” “One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.”

How the teacher laughed when I told him I wanted to be a cardiologist when I grew up. He won’t be laughing now when he opens his chicken nuggets to find there’s no dip in with them.

Why did the teacher write the lesson on the windows? He wanted to be very clear!

Teacher: Suppose you have $10 and you asked your brother for $5. How much would you have then? Student: $10 Teacher: why? Student: My brother wont give me any.

I hated my job as an origami teacher. Too much paperwork.

Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? Student: A teacher!

How many schoolteachers does it take to change a light bulb? None. Anything not completed during the lesson is added to the homework.

Teacher: "Why are you so late?" Student: "Someone told me to go to hell." Teacher: "Why did that make you late to class?" Student: "I couldn't find it at first, but now here I am."

Teacher: Be sure that you go straight home Student: I can't, I live just round the corner!

Teacher: “If you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?” Boy: “Somebody else’s pants.”

Teacher: “How can you prove the earth is round?” Boy: “I can’t. Besides, I never said it was.”

Me and my wife were called in to see my teenage sons Headmaster yesterday. He said, “Are you aware of what he’s been up to after school?” I said, “He told us he was doing table tennis.” The Head said, “He’s certainly been doing Ping Pong…Unfortunately she’s his Chinese supply teacher.”

At school, a teacher once asked me to name two pronouns, I said who,me

A student went to class late, so the teacher asked him, "Why are you late?" He told her, "I was dreaming of a Manchester United football match." But that did not make any sense for the teacher so she ask, "Still why are you late?" He answered, "Because there was extra time."

Teacher: “Why are you late?” Boy: “Because of a sign down the road.” Teacher: “What does a sign have to do with your being late?” Boy: “The sign said, ‘School Ahead, Go Slow!’”