Jokes

Teacher: How far have you gone with your homework Lil Johnny: About ten kilometers Sir. I went home and came back with it.

A boy was having a lot of difficulty in French class. To encourage him, his teacher said, "You'll know you're really beginning to get it when you start dreaming in French." The boy ran into class all excited one day, saying, "Teacher, teacher! I had a dream last night and everyone was talking in French!" "Great!" said the teacher; "what were they saying?" "I don't know," the boy replied; "I couldn't understand them."

I hate teachers who give homework over break. Like do you not understand what a break is? Do you want me to demonstrate on your neck?

Never Argue With Children A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said,"When i get to heaven i will ask Jonah." The teacher asked,"What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied,"Then you ask him."

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Six." Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven!" Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!" Johnny: Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

“Tell me,” the teacher asked her students, “do you know what the word ‘can’t’ is short for?” “Yes,” said little Lucy. “It’s short for ‘cannot.’” “Very good. And what about ‘don’t’?” Little Matt’s hand shot up. “That,” he said with authority, “is short for ‘doughnut.’”

Teacher: "You copied from Tim's exam paper didn't you?" Pupil: "How did you know?" Teacher: "Tim's paper says 'I don't know' and you put 'Me neither'!"

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy answered: "Thou shall not kill."

Teacher: Where were you born? Student: Tiruvananthapuram. Teacher: Spell it. Student: Sorry, I meant Goa.

Little Freddy's second-grade teacher was quizzing them on the Antartian alphabet. "Freddy," she says, "what comes after 'O'?" Freddy says, "Yeah!"

Did you hear about the teacher with the two lazy eyes? Apparently he can’t control his pupils.

Teacher: “why are you always late for school?” Student: “ because you always ring the bell before I get here!

Teacher: Could you give these papers to the teacher over there? Guy: I could, but I don't want to. Teacher: ... Guy: It's a question, right?

A little girl was asking her teacher. Girl: “Can my mom get pregnant?” Teacher: “How old is your mom?” Girl: “She’s 40!” Teacher: Yes, she can.” Girl: “Can my sister get pregnant?” Teacher: “How old is your sister?” Girl: “She’s 18.” Teacher: “Yes, she can.” Girl: “Can I get pregnant? Teacher: “How old are you?” Girl: “I’m 12.” Teacher: “No you cannot get pregnant.” A lil boy sitting behind the lil girl said, “I told you we have nothing to worry about.” The teacher fainted.

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water? SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"! TEACHER: What are you talking about? SARAH: Yesterday you said its H to O!

Teacher: Humans have over 206 bones inside them. Student: But sir is my consciousness not inside my brain? Teacher: Yes it is. Student: So I think you’ll find I’m actually inside the bone.

Teacher: Name three Kings of England who greatly transformed the country and made it a better place to live. Student: Drin-king, smo-king and fu-king.

Can’t believe how desperate my maths teacher is, he keeps asking me to find his x. I think it’s time he faced the truth, she’s not coming back.

Saying "Oh ,Yeah I get it" just so the teacher walks away

A boy walks into the school nurse's office. Nurse: Why are you here? Boy: I’m sick Nurse: sick of what? Boy: The teacher

teacher is telling the class to say a sentence with the word definetly in it, mary says the sky is definitly blue, teacher says good but it can also be gray, jojo says grass is definetly green, good but it can be brown... little johny says is there lumps in a fart, teacher said no why would you ask that, johny says i definetly shit my pants xD

my teacher told me that only 45% of whale sperm goes in the ocean me: is that why the ocean is so salty?

Teacher: Farai, what are the two days of the week, which start with letter "T"? Farai: Today and tomorrow Sir.

Why did the teacher marry the janitor? Because he swept her off her feet!

Student - "Can I go to the bathroom?" Teacher - "Not right now, we are in the middle of class" Student - "But I'm on my period." Teacher - "Mark, that didn't work yesterday, its not going to today."

Once their was a young boy, in school one day he asked if he could go to the toilet, 'First say the alphabet' replied his teacher 'abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz' 'Where's the p?' 'Running down my leg!'

TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? PUPILS: A teacher.

Student: "Should I get in trouble for something I didn't do?" Teacher: "No." Student: "Good, because I didn't do my homework."

Student - Teacher can i use the bathroom? Teacher- Why?? Student- to slay the magic dragon WTF???

johns in 1st grade and his teacher is going over vocab words and his teacher asks the class to use the word house in a sentence so everyone in the class raises there hands including john, and the teacher picks on Billy. and Billy said my house is brown teacher: very good. teacher: how about we use the word dog. the class raises their hands. Teacher picks on sally instead of john and john is in the background with a frown on his face. Sally i walk my dog: john: how come you didn't pick on me :( to answer teacher: because i know you know all the words but if you want a word ill give you one.. Teacher: use the word Urinate. john: ok i have a sentence for you:D John: urinate but IF YOU HAD BIGGER TITTIES you would be a 10