desert-island Jokes
Browse jokes in this category.
Too Biggie
Why couldn't Biggie Smalls get into the club? Because it was Tupac'd.
Sour Cream Ponderings
Ever wonder why there is an expiration date on sour cream?
So That's How They Work
Wait, WHAT?!?! You mean to tell me that STRESS BALLS are not for throwing at people that STRESS ME OUT?
Best Place for Advice
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need EXPERT advice!
My Advice
Take my advice — I'm not using it.
Clever Coinage
About all you can get with a nickel these days is heads or tails.
When Not to Use Lip Gloss
Wouldn't the world be a better place if some people used a GLUE STICK instead of LIP GLOSS?
Blame the Artist
I hate it when I'm singing a song and THE ARTIST gets the words wrong.
Keeping Ships Together
I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together... It was riveting.
Toe-ing the Line
My big toe has no problem finding a piece of furniture in a dark room.
Second Thoughts
I was going to join the debate team, but somebody talked me out of it.
Popular Production
I used to be in a band called Missing Cat... you probably saw our posters.
Sheep Ponderings
Why don't sheep shrink when they get wet?
Not The Right Direction
Why do dogs bark? Because they bark up the wrong tree.
Step Behind
Why do people walk backwards? To reverse park.
Can You Count?
Why do camels have 4 humps? They don't. They only have 2.
It Runs But It Doesn't Jump
What runs but does not jump? A tap.
Aged Truths
I am the youngest of three... Both my parents are older.
Running Around the Bed
Why did the man run around his bed? To catch up on his sleep!
The Speed of Light
My brain travels at the speed of light... One second it’s here and the next it’s 186,000 miles away.
The Ocean Roar
Why does the ocean roar? You would roar too if you had crabs on your bottom.
Cat Food
What do you feed a disappearing cat? Evaporated milk!
The Mother Squid Who Knew
Before the mother squid gave birth, she said she had an inkling...
Two Thumbs in the Wrong Media
What has two thumbs, and sometimes tells jokes in the wrong media, rendering them useless? This guy!
Dead Batteries
The dead batteries were given out... free of charge!
Technological Teachings
When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.
You Looked Better Before
Definition of preface: What you looked like before plastic surgery.
If You Are Always Late
If you are always late, does that make you reliable?
No Longer A John
I changed my reference to the bathroom from John to Jim... Sounds much more impressive saying I went to the "Jim" this morning.
Gym Record for Consecutive Days
I didn't make it to the gym today... That makes 1,523 days in a row I didn't go!