desert-island Jokes
Browse jokes in this category.
Depending On Reliability
Any system that depends on reliability is unreliable.
A Pat on the Back
A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the pants!
Outlook
I’m a peripheral visionary...
Letter 'B'
Why is the letter 'B' very cold? Because its between AC.
Old Hotel
I spent the night in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
Gorgeous George
I don’t think George Clooney has a bathroom mirror... He just has a note taped to the wall that says, “Don’t worry about it.”
You Didn't Drop It
You didn't drop that thing... You simply abandoned it to the unchecked forces of gravity.
Moving Soon
Reality is a nice place to visit... But I sure would not want to live there!
Tomorrow's Cancellation
Tomorrow will be canceled because of lack of interest...
Middle of a Jellyfish
What is in the middle of a jellyfish? It's jelly button.
Time
When they first invented the clock... How did they know what time to set it to?
Hypothetical Questions
What if there was no such things as hypothetical questions?
Ghosts Swimming
Where do ghosts go for a swim? To the Dead Sea!!
Dog & Firefly
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
A Genius Solution
I put my root beer in a square glass... Now it's just beer.
Playing Poker
I once played poker with tarot cards... I got a full house and four people died.
A Bunny Joke
What did the bunny want to do when he grew up? Join the Hare Force!
Fish On Vacation
Where do fish go on vacation? To Finland!
You Ever Wonder?
You ever wonder, why is the alphabet in the order that it is???
When Lee Ate Onions
What happened when Lee ate raw onions for a week? He became Lone Lee...
Needs A Plumber
What vegetable needs a plumber? A leek!
Faster Than Sound
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Banana and the Prune
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
Barber Wins the Race
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short-cut!
Statistics
The 50-50-90 rule: If you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right... There’s a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
Forgetful
"What happened, where were you?" "Sorry, I forgot all about the Amnesia Conference!"
Shopping With A Twist
Turn your next trip to the grocery store into a ninja challenge... You do that by shopping strictly out of other people's carts when they're not looking.
No Tables At the Restaurant
I went to a restaurant. It was full. There was no place to sit and the wait was over thirty minutes. I took out my cell phone, placed it to my ear, and said loudly, "Hey, get over here! She's here with someone else!" Six couples got up and quickly left.
Killing us Softly... and Slowly
What If oxygen is slowly killing us... And it just takes 75-100 years to fully work?
To Succeed In Life
To succeed in life, you need three things... A wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.