Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps? A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.   Q: You’re trapped in a room with a Lion, Cobra snake and an ManU Fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do? A: Shoot the ManU Fan. Twice. Q: What’s the difference between Alex Ferguson and God? A: God doesn’t think he’s Alex Ferguson.   Q: What do Manchester fans use as birth control? A: Their personalities.   Q: What do Beckham and Posh Spice both have in common? A: Both are f**ing bad singers!!!   Q: What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Man Utd. fan? A: Skid marks in front of the dog.   Q: What’s the difference between a Man-U fan and a Vibrator? A: A Man U fan is a real dick   Q: Why can’t you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford? A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Highbury.   Q: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison? A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.   Q: How many Man U fans does it take to pave up a driveway? A: Depends how thin you slice them.   Q. What would you call a pregnant Man United fan? A: A dope carrier.   Q. What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain? A: Gifted.   Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb? A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they’ve been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.