My local pub landlord called me as I laid in bed this morning and said, “Dave, I can’t believe how intoxicated you were last night.” “I wasn’t drunk,” I replied, “I was sober.” “You were very drunk,” he said, “And by the way, you left your wallet, cigarettes and car keys here.” “They’re not mine,” I replied, “All of my stuff is in my trouser pockets.” He said, “I know, I’m emptying them as we speak