I said to my two-year-old son, “Now, what noise does a cat make?” “Miaow!” “Good, but do you know what noise a dog makes?” “Woof woof!” “That’s right! Now tell me what noise a cow makes?” “David, if you even think about going out to that fcuking pub with your fcuking mates again, then you can bloody forget about ever being let back in this fcuking house!” That’s my boy!!!!