President Vladimir Putin called President Trump with an emergency: “Our largest condom factory has exploded!” the Russian President cried; “my people’s favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!” “Vladimir, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you,” replied the Newly Elected President.. “I do need your help,” said Putin. “Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tie us over?” “Why certainly! I’ll get right on it!” said Trump. “Oh, and one more small favor, please?” said Putin. “Yes?” “Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10″ long and 4″ in diameter?” said Putin. “No problem,” replied Trump said and, with that, he hung up and called the President of Durex. “I need a favor, you’ve got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to Russia.” “Consider it done,” said the President of Durex. “Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10″ long and 4″ wide.” “Easily done. Anything else?” “Yeah,” said Trump, “print ‘MADE IN USA, SIZE MEDIUM’ on each one.