I was alone. It was 2AM and my Randy-meter was going off scale. I wanted to be a bottom. I needed a top. I wanted to be a catcher. I needed a pitcher. I checked Craigslist and called this dude. I told him I could only pay by check. He said, “That’s cool.” When he was done, I got out my checkbook. He looks at it… “This isn’t a check,” he said, “It’s a stub.” “Consider us even then,” I said, and shut the door.